My first published story

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McKay
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Hey there, long time reader first time poster.

I recently finished by first 40k word super-heroine peril/sex/action story with original characters.

You can have a look at the cover on my blog or check out the book itself at Smashwords.
Book
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/482555
Blog
http://www.authormckay.blogspot.com
Thanks =)
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Sargeant
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Big *high five* for your homage to Stephen Bell and his Ms Marvelous stuff - that is pretty much the best game in town as far as I'm concerned, and you could do a lot worse than to emulate what he did. It does indeed look like you've set up a similar style of story, and the cover art is pretty cool, so it does all pique my interest...

However, though I admire your commercial spirit and confidence that your writing merits payment, I'm rather turned off by a price tag to open material that I have next to no idea about. Forget that Stephen Bell's whole run of Ms Marvelous can be accessed for free along with a heaping mountain of stuff on here, the wizard's lair, and on Mr X's site, but an interesting premise with a decent cover just isn't enough to make me part with actual money - however small the amount.

Having said all of that, I can see this doing quite well and I think you have priced it right to get people to go with a fanciful curiosity at a charge that they won't really feel. If you want any advice to jump it up a bit, I would offer up a teaser sample of text from the story so that people can see what to expect of your content and writing - the more tantalising the sample, the more people will feel they have to see how it turns out. I would also warn that people's expectations might be a touch different for a story they have paid for - so I'd really want to make sure the writing is bulletproof.

I wish you the best of luck with this - I tip my hat to you for going out there and self-publishing.
Lost in the night, and there is no morning.
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McKay
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I swallowed hard and broke the silence stating "I'm looking for a mutant."


They all smiled and shook their heads as if saying 'two right here'.

"A specific one. She has long straight dark hair and is about six inches taller than me, very much in shape." I declared.

"We're going to need more than that. It's a big city sweet cheeks." the very big one said as the four others began slowly walking around, circling me.

I knew one bit of information about her that would probably narrow it down, but I was bashful to say it. Their circling prompted me to issue them a warning.

"She's very fast and very strong. Just like me." I threatened.

No one responded, but their eyes were telling me a lot. In those few moments we stood together I could see them change. They went from amused thieves who found an intruder in their territory, to lust-filled predators almost frothing.

This was the first time I really noticed how the pheromones my body was emitting would turn minimal threats into more serious ones. But I was confident if, or when, things got physical I would take them down. After all I am stronger than ten men.

Two of the average sized guys lunged at me from behind. With a slightly wild twist I spun and connected a back-hand fist to the first with such force it drove his head into the second attackers head. My momentum continued as I spun and returned to my starting stance, completing my full turn and successfully reducing their numbers from four to two. It felt great and my heart skipped a beat or two from excitement.

"We don't have to do this. I'm just looking for answers." I pleaded.

The words barely left my mouth before the big one rushed me. He swung but I ducked under the punch, raising a knee into his mid-section as hard as I could.

"Ugh!" I yelped as his rock-hard skin absorbed the impact.

I cartwheeled backwards narrowly escaping his grasp.

"You're a tough one, what do they call you?" I asked, trying to buy some time to re-calculate an attack strategy.

"In our world he's called National Park" smiled the female mutant.

"Ah, yellow, stone-like... I get it" I replied, rubbing my knee.

"And I'm Bella...but you can call me Tendril" the yellow skinned mutant informed me. I didn't have to ask because a moment later a yellow coil about an inch thick squeezed out of each of her palms. The coils stopped at about three feet long when she lashed out at me with them.

I caught the first coil in my left hand, it was flesh like and ribbed. The second coil snapped me on my right hip like a whip, causing my body to jerk. I felt my chest wobble in front of me as I regained my composure. I immediately made eye contact with the big one known as National Park. I could see him staring at my body, taking it all in. Being his eye candy made me blush with embarrassment.

I could tell the idea of battling a scantily clad heroine was turning him on. There was a visible bulge in his pants and for the first time I had a tug of fear as I was reminded of the Sartaq. I still had the upper hand, my super strength and agility, near invulnerability and my still very untrained sonic powers.

I slightly tugged at the coil in my left hand with my extreme strength, causing the mutant girl to gasp as she was pulled toward me. I took a strong step to the side and clotheslined her, putting her on her back. I cartwheeled away from her and struck a pose facing the big guy. He snorted and charged me. I stood my ground as long as I could, not flinching.

At the last second I leapt into a forward flip and was gracefully airborne above him as he ran past. I spun in the air, landed, and took another cheer pose and puffed a strand of hair out of my face.

As I felt something grab a hold of my ankle, I looked down to see Tendril, who had caught her breath and was staring up at me. I had not realized my landing put me basically over her, my feet straddling her head. It was just the distraction the yellow stone skinned mutant needed.

My head bent forward in a moment of whiplash as the big brute drove his rock hard shoulder into my chest. The force lifted my feet off the ground but Tendril held on with both hands, dropping me to the concrete street quicker. After a rough landing my head slammed on the ground a moment before the National Park's entire weight crashed onto my lithe frame. His hips squashed against my chest.

Eyes blinking, I was dizzy and gasping for air. The big yellow hulk pressed against the ground and raised his upper body to look down at me, adding more of his weight and leverage against me. Tendril was on her feet now, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

"Get up on her! Keep the hoe down!" Tendril commanded, retracting one of her tendrils into her hand. I felt the large man shuffle on-top of me until he straddled my chest, my arms pinned to my body by his knees and strong calves. His skin was firm like raw hide. The impact on my head was really clouding my coordination, so much so that I couldn't struggle to free my arms.

With both of his big yellow hands he grasped my head and began slamming it into the ground. After the fourth I was more irritated than hurt, but it was having an affect on my concentration. I wasn't worried yet though. To this point nothing was really out of hand.

Until he paused, holding my head forward so my chin nearly pressed against my chest. I weakly opened my eyes and saw his enormous bulge maybe ten inches in front of my face. I felt a rush of warm blood go to my ears then my cheeks as I felt the faintest hint of the Sartaq. No conscious command was given but I felt my lips part as I imaged what it looked like underneath his ripped jeans.

"Oh I think she's got more than questions on her mind, T" he said as he pressed the bulge in his pants against my heaving breasts. I couldn't see past the big yellow brute but I felt Tendril take my feet in her hands and pull them apart as the big guy began rhythmically humping my ample breasts. I knew I was in trouble when she lifted the front of my skirt and the cool air brushed against my nether region.

These depraved, perverse hooligans were truly no match for me but if I allowed them to take this any further it could spell trouble. Almost an instant after I heard the sound of a rope quickly moving through air I felt it. A warm sting bit into my crotch and I yelped, clenching my butt cheeks. She used her tendril like a sadistic whip and gave my crotch a good slap! I had to make a move now. I began moving my shoulders from side to side trying to wiggle free.

Another whoosh sound prefaced another warm sting, causing my belly to tense and my hips to involuntarily lift off the ground, my thighs shaking. Each sting didn't hurt, but I did feel the residual pleasure as blood rushed to my sensitive region.

"Please! Let me go..." I whimpered. The only response was the muffled laughter of the girl behind the brute pinning me to the ground. It was becoming tougher to struggle as I felt my strength starting to fade. My heart rate increased along with my breathing.

"Keep it up...she is reacting to this beating." He snarled, never looking away from my breasts. With one hand pressed against the ground just next to my head propping him up, he used the other to reach down a take a hold of my breast. Just then I felt the sting of another whip strike. I bit my lower lip and clenched my eyes tightly shut as my hips raised again, ass quivering. The pleasure was beginning to wash over me. His groping was not rough and quick, but slow and rhythmic. I looked into his eyes for the first time, my face pouting, pleading for him to stop. He had a look of confusion as the gears were slowly turning in his head.

"...you're really getting off on this, aren't you babe?" He asked inquisitively, as he gently mashed my breast in his stoney hand. My mind told my body to display a poker face, to show defiance. But I was a cat in heat. The sexual abuse I was receiving should have disgusted me, but it didn't.

For the first time I really started to understand what Miss Miraculous meant by the danger our weakness presents when dealing with the scum of crime and villainy. I could feel my nipples hardening. Again a sting shot through my pelvis. My abs tightened and my hips raised, I could feel a trickle of moisture under my panties and was horrified to realize I was getting wet.

It was time to do something drastic while I still could. I was short of breath but I inhaled as deeply as I could, closing my eyes. I drew my lips close and began to exhale. My throat felt funny as I screamed a long, high-pitched wail. Opening my eyes a crack I saw the sonic force smashing against the yellow hulk's face, causing him to grimace. In the corner of my eye I saw Tendril fall to her knees, her hands covering her ears. I ran out of air and my head was a little dizzy. I blinked several times before taking a deep breath.

Before I could exhale, the brute bitch-slapped me across the face, causing me to dispel the air early. He was blinking rapidly, regaining his bearings. My next attack was to try a focused blast of sonic energy to knock him off me. I inhaled sharply, but he put his hand over my mouth. I tried to exhale and felt my throat begin to vibrate, but it couldn't get all the way out. I felt his hand against my lips, vibrating.

It must have been uncomfortable enough because he pulled his hand away from my mouth. My victory was short lived though as he instantly wrapped his hand around my slender neck. My eyes opened wide as I struggled for air. He didn't have his thumb over my wind pipe so I was able to get some in, but it really constricted the air flow.

"Babe, get over here and wrap her neck up!" He shouted over his shoulder, his hearing not completely returned.

"What??" Tendril shouted, shaking off a look of confusion.

"Man, get over here and choke this bitch! He shouted.

I watched as Tendril crawled on her hands and knees, still wincing from my sonic attack, until she laid on her side to my left. The tendril of her left hand wiggled out and dangled in the air like a snake being controlled by a snake charmer. The coil wrapped over the front of my neck, just above the yellow brute's hand, then around the back until it wrapped the front a second time. He let go of my neck and she constricted the coil.

At first the coil was much tighter than his hand was, but she loosened it almost immediately. My mouth was agape, gasping for air, as she leaned in and began kissing my lips. I felt her run her tongue along the length of my upper lip before taking my bottom lip into her mouth and suckling on it. She loosened the coil around my neck long enough for me to gasp for air before tightening around my neck again.

I couldn't see past her but could feel the National Park fumbling around as he straddled my upper body. Somehow, between the fear of being strangled and raped, I was finding this arousing.

Just then I felt it. His semi-hard poker plopped out onto my chest, the head resting in my cleavage above the tube top. Apparently his cock-skin was the only part of him that was soft and smooth to the touch. My still throbbing snatch twitched as the imagery of what was going on flooded my head. A part of me wanted it. I couldn't believe being raped was turning me on, but it was. I couldn't believe how the Diomutanium serum had truly changed me, but it did.

I felt the brute tugging at my top and felt the smallest amount of amusement knowing he was getting frustrated trying to rip it off. That tiny amusement fled when I felt him pull the bottom of my tube top away from my skin and slowly press the tip of his hot rod against the opening. He slowly pressed forward with his hips and his cock slipped between my velvety chest valley. It slid between my breast until I felt the head peek out from my cleavage at the top. The tube top acted in his favor, pressing my twin beauties together, hugging his tool as he began slowly pumping it in and out. I could feel my nipples, hard as diamonds, pressing against the smooth material of my top. With what little air I had I moaned involuntarily into Tendril's mouth. She loosened her grip on my neck allowing me to gasp for air.

"Please...don't..." I moaned, my chest heaving along with his dick as he continued to titty-fuck me. My swollen mounds jiggled with each of his strong, rhythmic thrusts. My face blushed as I realized I was being used as a sex toy by these two, albeit mutant, common thugs.

"Oh god..." I whimpered weakly, as I felt the stirrings of an orgasm. The coil tightened around my throat as I had been talking too much. The raging titty-fucking continued for the next three minutes. I did not resist at all as he continued to ravish my firm chest with his hard cock. Tendril pulled away from my face for the first time and I saw it. The head of his big yellow cock pointing towards my face. It disappeared between my cleavage only to reappear a half second later.

My head was swimming; I couldn't believe this was happening. First real night as a super-heroine and I would be fucked to death under a dirty bridge. No longer having the strength to hold my head up it dropped back against the ground. Looking up at the underneath of the bridge I had considered giving up. I wanted to beg for them to stop but just didn't have the air to spare as tendril began alternating degrees of tightness while choking my neck.

Just then I felt his thrusts gain a sense of urgency. Three then four, then five. Tendril grabbed me by my hair and tilted my head forward so I was face to face with the yellow brute's cock. National Park's large frame tensed as he jetted out his first spurt of cum. The warm, thick load splattered against the corner of my slightly-parted lips, trickling down my chin. Tendril easily held my head in place as the second shot hit me in the eye, the third on my cheek below it.

The semen made a real mess of my mask as I felt it dripping down my face. I was so embarrassed when I tasted it in the corner of my mouth, hot and a bit salty. He leaned his pelvis forward, resting the tip of his hard sticky cock on my bottom lip. My weak eyes looked up at him as his cock kept my face tilted downward. The coil wrapped around my throat loosened and pulled away completely.

She held my head in place as the yellow cock pressed slowly passed my lips and into my mouth. I felt his big head on the tip of my tongue before it came to rest right on the base of my tongue. To my surprise, in my weak state I involuntarily tightened my lips around his shaft and my tongue curled a little, petting his cock.

Sucking on my first and only boyfriend's cock in high-school was one of my favorite things, but this was completely different. I had been completely defeated tonight, abused sexually and physically, and still I found arousal in all of this. Not that it mattered, there was no way I was living past tonight. Without my powers, an ache in my pussy as an orgasm grew, I was going to be fucked silly and the Sartaq would likely kill me.

"This slut is amazing, right Yellow stone? We could probably sell her." Tendril found my enthusiasm, even in defeat, to be extremely erotic. The brute's forehead was covered in sweat as he slowly pumped my mouth with his dick.

Tendril pulled my head back a bit allowing the big cock to pop out of my mouth, a strand of spit connecting my lips to his cock head. With my head being controlled by her one hand, she grasped the shaft of his cock with her other. She smeared the head of his cock over my cheek and along my mask, gathering the semen from my face. She positioned the cock between my lips and told me to open wide. Some of the cum built up on my lips as the dick slid into my mouth, but I could feel it in my mouth. It felt more lubricated on my tongue. He gasped and his hips quivered.

"You alright big boy? Let's see how deep she can take it." Tendril asked, as she slowly pushed my head forward. His cock head slid along my tongue until all I felt was shaft. Then the tip of his head bumped the entrance to my throat. My chin involuntarily lifted up a bit, allowing access to my throat.

He began humping in and out, gaining an inch into my throat each time. I felt a tiny tickle as my eyes began to water. He fucked my throat steadily for thirty seconds until his balls tightened against my chin and he unloaded again. His body tensed and remained still as a statue. Tendril was still pushing my head back and forth, milking the cock penetrating my throat as he blew his load. I felt him spurt and spurt deep in my throat with no option but to swallow.

He bucked and twitched several times before slowing his thrusts. He slowly pulled his exhausted tool from my mouth. With the cock came a fair amount of a spit/cum mixture, spilling over my bottom lip and splattering on my chest. Tendril let go of my hair, my head dropping to the ground. To my shame I was feeling so horny and my panties felt absolutely soaked from my own excitement.

Through half open eyes I saw white flashes outline the back of my two attackers. They panicked and hurried to their feet, running into the sewers. I managed to tilt my head to the side and felt cum dripping off my chin and cheek. My eyes focused on the the opening of the other side of the under-bridge. I spotted two FMC drones, about the size of basketballs. They hovered in the air and moved very autonomously, twisting left and right, shining their spot-lights on shopping carts and homeless wrapped in their blankets, searching for metas.

Just then the little mutant boy I had followed here emerged from the shadows. He pushed a nearby wooden barrel next to my legs and threw a blanket over my prone, athletic form. I heard him scurrying around for a moment, then the slight buzz of the mini-anti-grav motors on the drones as they hovered by. My strength was returning to me as I weakly pulled the blanket off and wiped my mask and face with it. It was embarrassing how much of the yellow brute's man-seed came off and layered the cloth in my hand. The drones were past the underneath area of the bridge when I heard his little voice.

"I hear what you say" he said meekly. I turned and sat up, starting to feel like myself again. I faced the boy who helped me moments ago, the boy who unknowingly led me to my first real defeat as a super-heroine.

"About the girl, I saw her today" his voice now grabbing my full attention. I asked the boy how he knew it was the girl I was looking for.

"Does she go pee standing up?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, that sounds like her." I said, somehow smiling.

"She is called Sasha." he said.
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McKay
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I agree with you. Your point about a payment, along with any unproven work (especially without demonstration) is totally understandable.
I guess I hesitate to post teasers or samples because, like watching a scene of a movie out of context, I just hate to do it for the sake of those who want to go through the ride from start to end.

I love all the free stuff online, it's a heap of inspiration and enjoyment.
I plan to invest a bit in covers and black and white illustrations in every chapter.

I like to think I've woven several elements into this first story that, not only paint a picture of a thriving fictional setting, but plant several seeds to springboard into future obstacles and adventures.
Scenarios where the reader will slightly feel as if they felt this building and coming to a head, because it has been slowly grown over time.
I touch on a global scale but mainly focus in our 'nation' within two cities. The social and political states of humans and 'metas'. All kinds of content.

As I've mentioned in my blog I'd really love for the people who have already bought it to review it.
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