Black Widow and the Seven (Offthink) Dwarves (On-line)

[flamboyfun]

While trying to win a wager against Captain America, the Black Widow gets careless and learns that humiliating things can come in small packages.


Black Widow and the Seven (Off-think) Dwarves

By

Flamingo Boy ([email protected])

To read the entire story visit http://flamingoboyfun.angelfire.com/bw7d.html

Part 1

Natasha hated doing personal appearances and showing up at the elementary school this morning was no exception. Despite that she personally felt that it was a waste of time and that her efforts were better spent fighting crime or protecting the world from international threats, she was still able to grin and bear it. What was worse was that it was insisted that she appear in her black skin-tight uniform rather than her civilian clothes. Since Captain America was appearing in his costume, he felt that it was only right for her to wear hers as well.

Normally, she would pull out the multitude of excuses she had under her hat to get out of this personal appearance but she had two reasons why she went through with it anyway.

First, it was her civic duty as an Avenger.

Second, even through it was not her turn and she would be justified to say “no,” she agreed to accompany Cap simply because… he asked her.

She could never bring herself to say “no” to Cap. He was her mentor/confidant and taught her many things to make her an even better heroine than she could ever hope to be. Also, she did it because she had a crush on Cap for years.

Steve Rogers was unlike any other man she met and she wanted to get intimate with him for years. It wasn’t just that he was drop-dead gorgeous and had a perfect body as any other human could possible get, but it was always his kindness, compassion, and charisma that also attracted Natasha.

Unlike her deceased husband, Alexi Shostakov, Cap was not blindly loyal to the country and flag he served. Unlike, Hawkeye, Cap was not brash and headstrong and willing to settle every argument with his fists. Unlike Daredevil, Cap treated her as an equal when in the field of combat. Unlike Hercules, Cap was not a God that who had no clue how “normal motrals” worked. Unlike Iron Man, he never put business before pleasure.

Unlike his fellow male Avengers, Cap never leered at her or tried to catch a peek of her while she was coming out of the shower. As a matter of fact, Cap was always a perfect gentleman.

And therein lies the rub…

He was too much of a perfect gentleman.

He never picked up on Natasha subtle hints and innuendoes that she liked him more than as a friend. He didn’t have a clue and all her advances just seemed to go over his head. Since Cap had other female companions, she knew that her comrade didn’t prefer “the company of men.”

On one hand, she understood Steve’s reluctance for any long-term relationships. Having the super-soldier serum in his blood made him age more slowly and who would want to have a girlfriend that will be thirty years older in thirty years when he’ll maybe age five years at most!

On the other hand, Steve was too naïve and noble for his own good. He was too blind to see that she would make his ideal mate. Cap knew, all too well, that she, too, had a variant of the super-soldier formula and she was resistant to aging. If time were left to their own devices, she’d be a sixty-plus-year-old hag by now. If only Cap could see the connection.

Damn his high morals!

Natasha simply had to face the sad fact that they would never be more than friends.


This year, Cap’s “crusade” involved the Presidential Physical Fitness Program. To help promote and motivate children to pass it and earn their patch, Captain America agreed to personally visit any New York City Public School that had the highest per capita students that passed.

The winning school was Brooks Elementary located in a lower-middle class neighborhood. He had asked the Black Widow to accompany him as to help inspire the young girls, who didn’t pass this year, so that they would not mistakenly believe that athletics wasn’t “just for boys.”


It was four long hours of going from classroom to classroom giving lectures. After joining the kids in the cafeteria for a nutritious lunch, Captain America and the Black Widow closed out the event by meeting with all the students in the school auditorium for autographs and photos.

Much to Natasha’s chagrin, most of the younger students flocked to Captain America while most of the seventh and eight grade students gravitated toward her… particularly the pre-teen boys.

Like a trooper, she bit her lip and playfully moved the boys’ hands to more “appropriate” parts of her body as she poised with them for photos. This surprised her as she didn’t expect the little bastards to get so “grabby” at such a young age. She would expect this from high school kids… but not from grammar school boys!

On two occasions she had to remember where she was and stopped herself from hitting two punks that made crude sexual remarks as they walked away with their pictures.

Considering that she was wearing her tight black “cat suit,” she couldn’t blame the boys. Natasha pondered the thought that perhaps she was at fault because she was subconsciously encouraging them.

“Next time,” Natasha thought to herself. “I’m going to wear something so frumpy that they won’t even want to come near me… let alone touch me.”

* * * *

“That was a blast,” said Captain America as they both walked from the school to wear he parked his motorcycle.

“Ummm… yeah,” Natasha pretended to agree as not to disillusion her mentor.

“Those older boys really seemed to take a shine to you, Tasha”

“You can say that again, Steve.”

“Funny how things change… When I was their age, I was too busy collecting baseball cards to give girls a second look.”

“You got that right,” Natasha answered. “I didn’t even know what the term boyfriend met until I was sixteen. Now I hear my friend’s twelve year old daughter dropping the term all the time. I hate to sound like a prude, but I think that’s much too young to be going on dates. What happened to good ol’ fashioned parenting?”

“I wish I knew,” said Cap as they reached their ride.

He tossed a helmet to Natasha who quickly tossed it back to him.

“Huh?” Cap looked perplexed. “What’s going on?”

“If it’s okay with you, Steve, I think I’ll just swing my way back to Avenger’s Mansion and catch up with you later.”

“Oh? You don’t want a ride? Say… you’re not upset with me because I dragged you here… are you?”

“Of course not,” Natasha hated to fib to the man that she respected most in the world, but she figured that a white lie was better than hurting his feelings. “It’s just that it’s been a long day and the fresh air blowing against my face will do me some good.”

Natasha grew nervous as Cap was quiet for a few seconds. Did he catch on that she was lying?

“Ah, I see,” Cap smiled. “Another challenge? Trying to get another free dinner out of me?”

“Ummm… uhhh… yeah… right,” Natasha grinned as Cap had inadvertently given her a tactful way out and she decided to take it.

From time to time, Cap and Widow would have a “friendly race” home. He would use his motorcycle while she would swing from building to building. The loser would have to buy the winner dinner. Thus far, in twelve races, the Black Widow had a perfect record.

Sometimes Natasha wondered if Cap purposed made these “sucker bets” as an excuse to go out with her… but that was so lame. She gave him so many opportunities and all Natasha had to show for it was a good meal and stimulating conversion… and nothing more.

“You shouldn’t have made that bet, lady,” Cap smirked like the cat that caught the canary. “It’s only fair to warn you, Widow, that only yesterday, Iron Man supped this cycle up. Didn’t you notice that it rode smoother and faster on the ride here?”

“Really,” Natasha playfully mocked him and folded her arms. “I never noticed. In my opinion, you just have that nice cycle to compensate for the lack of something else… if you know what I mean?”

“No, I don’t,” the remark went over Cap’s head… as usual. “I just don’t want to be accused of taking an unfair advantage over you when I win… so if you want to gracefully bow out….”

“Bullshi…. I mean… Baloney!” Natasha was glad that Cap never noticed that bullshit almost escaped from her lips. Cap frowned on cursing and she could never bear to lose his respect or approval.

“Cap, if anyone is trying to bail out… it’s you because you don’t want to suffer another humiliating defeat.”

“Oh, really….”

“Haven’t you learned, Steve? Every time you throw down the gauntlet, I bring down the thunder.”

“Not today, Natasha. By this evening, the only thing you’ll be eating at the restaurant is crow… all while I pass the check over to you. Make sure you have your credit card in your purse because I plan on having dessert today.”

“Don’t make me laugh,” Natasha thought he looked so sexy when she riled him up. “The day you beat me home is the day you’ll find me bound, gagged and totally naked on your bed to do with as you please.”

Little did Cap know that the statement wasn’t totally made in jest.

“Better watch it, Widow. I may take you up on that offer some day.”

“Sure you will… this coming from a man that won’t even kiss a girl until they’re formally engaged.”

Then Cap busted out laughing and gave her a playful slap on the shoulder. “Oh, Tash’, you are tooooo much. Sometimes, I can’t tell when you’re serious or just pulling my leg.”

“We go ‘all out’ tonight,” Natasha put out her hand. “Luigi’s? Do we have a bet, sir?”

“Luigi’s… huh?” Cap rubbed his chin as he seemed a little hesitant. This was the first time that the stakes were so high. Luigi’s was a very fancy Italian restaurant… very pricy… and very romantic if Cap ever got the connection.

“You’re on, ma’am,” Cap took her hand and gave it a firm shake. He radioed ahead and instructed Jarvis to make the reservation.

* * * *

Natasha smiled to herself as she swung away in the opposite direction of Cap.

The poor bastard didn’t have a chance. He fell right into her trap. Luigi’s was just the right atmosphere to set the proper romantic tone. She was going to wear high heels and her short tight red dress with the spaghetti shoulder straps. She was going to make sure that they both had plenty of wine.

When Steve finally takes her back to Avenger’s mansion, she’s was going to go for broke. The friendly kiss on the cheek to say goodnight was going to be full on his lips with plenty of tongue.

In the event that Steve protested, she’d just innocently blame it on too much wine and the matter would be forgotten.

In the event that he didn’t, she’d lure him into her bedroom… or perhaps he’d lure her into his?


Little did the Black Widow know that tonight her winning streak would end… she would not be dining with Captain America this night.

Fate (and the perverted imagination of the writer of this story) had other plans for her instead.


Part 2


The Black Widow didn’t even get to swing for a mile before she heard a cry for help.

She looked down and spotted three hoodlums that had an elderly woman trapped in the dead end of a dark alley. The middle one was holding a gun while the old lady was clutching on to her purse for dear life.

“Give it up you old bat,” yelled the punk as he waved his gun. “Otherwise I’m gonna…. Ahhhhhh!”

The delinquent’s words were cut short via an electo-blast compliments of Natasha’s “widow’s bite” which also forced him to drop his weapon.

Before he could shake off his stun and pick it up, the Black Widow and already swooped down from her cable swinging line and nailed the punk with both her legs which sent him flying into a pile of garbage cans.

A punch to the face followed by a spinning round-house kick to the head took the second punk out.

The third and final hoodlum stood his ground by pulling out his switchblade and waved it around.

Using her bracelets, the Black Widow shot her gas into his face. While he was distracted and blinded, she rushed in, grabbed his wrist, gave it a hard jerk and made him drop his knife.

She then threw him into the other two thugs that had gotten up and started to rush at her. When they collided, they all fell down like a bunch of bowling pins.

Seeing that they were seriously outclassed, they three punks took off.

“Are you alright, Ma’am,” Natasha approached the old woman.

“I am… thanks to you, young lady,” she answered. “Say… are you one of those… what you call them… Super-heroines? If not, then I’m afraid that you’re a bit late for Halloween, dear.”

“Yes, I am a super-heroine, Ma’am. I’m a member of the Avengers. My name is the Black Widow.”

“Avengers, aye?” the old woman seemed genuinely excited. “The Black Dahlia, huh? Nope… Sorry, dear… I’ve never heard of you.”

“No… not Black Dahlia… Black Widow.”

“Oh… Black Widow... I see… Why didn’t you say so in the first place, dear? Black Widow? Nope… Never heard of you either.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Natasha rolled her eyes. “What matters is that you should have handed over your purse. You could have been killed if I hadn’t been swinging by. Whatever you have is not worth dying for.”

“It’s is to me, dear,” replied the old woman as Natasha escorted her out to the safety of the open streets. “This is all the money I have. I’m on a fixed income and if I lose this money, I don’t eat.”

“I get your point, Ma’am, but it might be safer if you had someone to walk with you so you’re not alone.”

“I don’t have any one… thanks for your concern, dear. My husband died last year and my only son was killed in Viet Nam. I had to cash my social security check. I have bills to pay.”

“Those punks might come back and I’m afraid that I don’t have time to walk you home… but I can’t leave you by yourself.”

“Do you always wear this outfit, dead?” said the old man as she touched the cloth on Natasha’s sleeve.

“Of course, I do,” Natasha answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, dear… I hate to sound like an ungrateful, old pride… but f you go traipsing around New York with that skimpy little output, you might give young gentlemen the wrong idea… and you seem like much too nice and lovely a young lady to give people the wrong impression that you’re a tramp.”

“Skimpy? Tramp?” Natasha thought to herself. “Does this woman have any idea that this’skimpy’ uniform is insolated against cold, heat and can protect me from electricity? This is light, but sturdy Kevlar that can stop most bullets. It is also used for blending and stealth.”

Figuring that someone was within earshot and the last thing she needed was for the media to report that the Black Widow verbally chastised an elderly citizen, Natasha decided it was best to just bite her tongue rather than tell the old bitty off.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” Natasha signed. “I’ll take that advice serious consideration.”

“That’s very sensible of you, dear,” the woman patted Natasha’s hand like an obedient child. “It’s your business how you dress, dear… but I’d hate to see you end up getting rape over that seductive outfit… and knowing your luck, the creep that did it will hirer a good defense lawyer and draw a liberally judge who would throw the case out… claiming that you enticed him and encouraged the attack by wearing that provocative and promiscuous costume.”

“Yes, Ma’am. I see your point.” Will you shut up, already?

“That skin-tight cat suit may have worked for Emma Peel, but that was back in the 60s, dear, and times have changed. Say… weren’t Mrs. Peel and that nice, Mr. Steed part of your group, too… the Avengers?”

“A different Avengers, I afraid, Ma’am.” I got to ditch this old broad before I end up strangling her. Pain in the butt or not, I need to make sure she gets home safely. Ha! I got it!”

Thinking quick, Natasha hailed a passing cab and it immediately pulled over to the curb.

“I can’t afford to take a taxi, dear,” the old woman protested. “I only have six more blocks to go. I’ll be alright.”

“Don’t worry about the fare,” Natasha insisted. “I got it covered. I’ll sleep easier tonight knowing that you’re safe.”

After helping the old woman into the back of the cab, Natasha went to the driver’s widow and showed him her Avenger’s identification card.

“Wheres to, lady?” said the cabbie with a Brooklyn accent so thick that it could be cut with a knife.

“Please take my friend home. She’ll give you the address. It’s about six blocks away. The Avengers have an account with your cab company. Our access number is 773999. Your dispatcher will verify that and bill our account. When your shift is over, your dispatcher will give you your tip… twenty percent.”

The driver looked and the ID and studied the Widow’s face. When he was convinced that the picture on the card matched her face and verified the account, he said, “Wow! It really is you… da Black Widda… Holy cow! Yous look even bedda in person… a real knockout if yous ask me.”

“Thanks,” Natasha knew that he meant no harm. “My friend had a bad scare. Please make sure that she gets an extra safe and smooth ride.”

“If yous throw in your autograph, too… not only will I do just that… but I’ll sees to it dat da lady here gets my personal escort to her front door.”

“Deal,” Natasha was handed a race form and a pen and she signed it.

Before she could take off, the old woman reached out from the cab window and grabbed Natasha’s arm. “Come home with me, dear. Let me make you dinner. It’s the least I can do for what you’ve done.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I don’t have time right now.”

“How about tea and cookies then?” she persisted. “Do you have time for that? I insist.”

“How about a rain check?” Natasha could see that the lady wasn’t going to take no for an answer and that this would be the only way to pacify her. She reached in her belt and handed the old woman a business card. “That’s the Avenger’s private line. Leave me a message and I promise to hook up with you later. I’m so sorry to be rude… but I have another engagement and I can’t be late. I’m not blowing you off… honest. I’ll have dinner with you… my word on that.”

“That’s an even better idea, dear,” her eyes glowed. “Then I can invite some of my friends over, too.”

“Invite them all,” Natasha gently freed her arm from the woman’s grip. “I’d love to meet them all…. but right now… I-I-I’ve got to go.”

“I can hardly wait. They’ll all just die when they see the Black Dahlia in person.”

“No, Black Widow,” she yelled as the cab started rolling away.

“What was that, dear?”

“Black… nevermind,” Natasha saw that the cab was already out of her feeble hearing range. “Close enough.”


Now comforted with the knowledge that the old woman was in good hands, Natasha shot her cable from her wrist band and quickly swung off again.

With a little luck, she could still beat Captain America.

* * * *

In order to make up for lost time, Natasha had to travel a little more reckless abandon than usual. She wanted her triumph over Captain America more than anything.

It wasn’t that she was concerned that she would have to pay for dinner, but Cap was still an old fashioned guy at heart and he would feel awkward and uncomfortable if a woman picked up the dinner tab. It wasn’t that he was sexist, but he was a product of the 1940s where most women didn’t work and it was only natural that the man always pays.

If Cap was uncomfortable, it would totally screw up any romantic feelings that could evolve through the night and Natasha worked too hard to set this up. She had to get home before Cap at all costs!

Under normal circumstances, Natasha would have been more alert and not have fallen into this obvious trap; however, in her hurry and the fact that she was swinging faster than usual, she didn’t see the dimension doorway open in front of her until it was too late.

If she was going a little slower, she could have let go of her line and let herself drop and shoot another cable to safety and avoided the doorway altogether.

Instead, she swung right into it and didn’t even realize what happened until she was on the other side and then the doorway quickly sealed behind her.

It appeared that she was inside some kind of space craft as apparent by the window that showed the moon and stars.

“How did she get here?” a mechanical voice said. “Quick… blast her.”

Because of her confused and disoriented state, Natasha only spotted the robot a split second before it shot her with his stun rifle.

They blast caused her to stagger into the arms of another robot.

“Hurry. Seize her. Bind her helpless. Force her arms behind her back. Pin and secure them in place.”

They did just that as Natasha felt a strap suddenly wrap around her chest and pin her arms to her sides.

“Easy,” Natasha yelled as the robot pulled the strap tighter and tighter. “Take it easy.”

But the robot continued to pull until Natasha could no longer endure the pain and had to surrender and let her arms go limp so that they were now, indeed, pinned behind her back. She knew her fate was sealed when she heard the buckle of the strap lock into place.

“Resistance is futile, you interfering human,” Natasha heard her captor say as she struggled but her bond was too strong to break and she couldn’t wiggle her arms free.

“Put her on her knees,” said the robot to its companion as the other robot used his leverage to force her to do just that.

“Who are you?” Natasha said to the robot that had its rifle fixed at her. “What do you want? Why have you brought me here?”

“We didn’t bring you here,” the robot seemed to take offense to her inquiry. “You foolishly stumbled into our doorway. It’s your own fault. You should have watched where you were going. We were planning on taking a hunting trip on Earth… kill a few humans for our master… but you ruined it. The doorway closes once someone steps through it and we can’t open another once for twenty-four hours. You ruined our hunt… and our fun.”

“I’m so sorry,” Natasha tried to struggle hoping to stall for time so she could loosen her arms a bit so he could blast the robot with her electro widow’s bite blaster. To her horror, the other robot bound and immobilized her too well.

“I do not accept your apology,” the robot aimed his rifle at her and reset it from stun to kill. “You must die for your interference. Now stay still and you will die cleanly and painlessly.”

“Please. You don’t have to kill me. I’m already your helpless prisoner. Isn’t that enough?”

“It is not enough. We cannot take any chances. You know our plan and we can’t risk that you might escape and warn the Earth.”

“Escape for where… the middle of outer space?”

“That is true… but no more need for deception… I will kill you because… killing brings us great pleasure. Now hold still and it will be over before you know it.”

Natasha now knew that there was no reasoning with these machines.

Unless she acted quickly… the Black Widow would be no more.



To read the rest of the story visit http://flamingoboyfun.angelfire.com/bw7d.html

[superpics4les]

Love the ending, Flam! Really nice job! 8)

[flamboyfun]

My... you got through that quickly! i didn't expect for you to get to it for a few days!

Either my stories are so compeling that you can't wait to get to them... or you got a lot of time on your hands... or both!

You ROCK!

[hiddenevil]

Sorry to dig up such an old post, but i was looking for this story recently and couldn't find it. Does anyone have a copy?