How public/private are you with your fetish?

[staggerlee]

Just interested in opening a discussion/picking your brain here. Do you share the superheroine fetish aspect with anyone else in your life? Friends/Loved ones? If so, who? And how do they feel about it? Is it something you can talk with your friends about/they also share an interest in this fetish? Or is it just something they accept as a quirk about you and respect it?

If not, why not? Are you uncomfortable or ashamed?

Personally, I don't have many people who I share this part of my life with. Fortunately, my girlfriend (who I've been with for almost 5 years) has known about my fetish since early on in our relationship. I think I was drunk enough to feel comfortable telling her about it and thankfully she didn't find it odd at all (in fact, I thought it was much weirder than she did!) - not only that, but she has participated in it with me to a degree. We purchased a few costumes from doitstyle and she was more than willing to do some roleplaying and actually get into it. While it isn't something she actively seeks out, she said that when we roleplay it's some of the best sex we've ever had, so that's pretty awesome! Aside from that, i have one close friend I told about it (who didn't make me feel weird about it at all and understood to some degree where it comes from) and that's about it. I don't really feel comfortable talking with others about it, but sometimes I think maybe I should! I don't think I have anything to be ashamed of, I just don't know if they'd get it. Where do you stand?

[tallyho]

It's a bit awkward to share openly as a lot of it ends in the "R' word in the sex peril vids, and the non sex peril stuff can just come over as juvenile.
I got a mate a bit younger who knows. ( he's my IT support ) But we don't openly discuss it.
I'd probably share it with my next girl, but if all goes to plan that'll be either CC, Nikki Lee Young, DK, Cali Logan, Emily Addison or Callie Calypso and they are ok with it anyway!

[Bert]

I'd guess that most are very private about peril fetishes. And for good reason - it's really easy to see it as pretty icky. I'm pretty sure people are born with a predilection for fetishy stuff, augmented by environmental factors. If you are lucky, your fetish is socially acceptable, or maybe "odd". If you are less lucky, like us, it's socially unacceptable. If you're really unlucky, it's something socially revolting.

I'm pretty sure that for the vast majority of "us" this thing is rooted completely in the realm of fantasy and totally divorced from the real world. But even knowing that I'm often uncomfortable with thoughts or material I see within our fold.

So, I don't share my fetish with anyone. Partly because I am embarrassed about it and feel I won't be able to properly explain it, but also because there are parts of the community that creep me out and I don't want to be seen to be a part of.

[Alex Bettinger]

Well, telling everyone you know openly about your personal sexual fantasies probably isn't appropriate (you have to respect people's public/private distinctions), but certainly you *should* be talking about them to your romantic/sexual partners--or at least, to anyone you are romantically serious with.

My advice is to let your partner know about any fetishes you have EARLY in the relationship--not on the first date, of course, but not after 2 years either. Probably the best time is in that sweet spot early on, when you can't keep your hands off each other; the sex is hot and new and full of discovery. That's the time when both of you are actively *looking* for the things that turn your partner on. If the girl is open minded and is genuinely interested in sex, she'll want to know what turns you on.

If learning that you have a kinky fantasy about superheroines makes her run screaming, then she's is almost certainly NOT anyone you should be wasting your time with, since that would mean you'd spend your whole relationship HIDING this great and fun part of yourself. Why waste time with dreary repression and shame and sneaking around? Communicate openly and with a light heart, and if she is put off then at least you know you shouldn't be wasting your time with her.

I must say, having worked in the fetish/adult industry for several years now, it is often shocking to me just how much couples outside of that industry HIDE their fantasies from each other. Hide the fact that they masturbate. Feel terrible shame because they'd like to try role play or something. People who work in the adult industry almost never have those problems--if they have a fantasy about something, they will talk to their partner about it. A happy sexual relationship must be built upon communication; if you can't talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies, then you aren't having a full sexual relationship.

[TIEnTEEZ]

I have some online friends that I openly discuss it with. But I find it's much easier with someone online, as opposed to face-to-face.

Of course, regardless of your fetish, there are certain people you just don't discuss sex of any kind with. I don't talk about it with my parents, for example.

My particular fetish isn't limited to superheroines, I've been interested in bondage and peril since my earliest memories, and I'm talking like 4 or 5 years old here, long before puberty.

As far as people in my actual life who know about, they are extremely rare. I told a couple of my friends I was into bondage, but that's as far as the discussion went. One made a joke about it (which was awesome) and the other kinda just made a harmless comment and we've never discussed it again.

It's not that I'm embarrassed, but if they don't share my fetish, then what is there to talk about really?

Another reason to be a little circumspect about it is that some people might misinterpret it. Remember the "Dude, you're getting a Dell guy?" He got fired for smoking a joint. Granted, that's technically illegal, but I am something of a public face for the company I work for and while I'd like to think my personal life wouldn't have any effect on my job, it's not worth the risk.

I also have a side job where I work with kids, and I sure as heck don't want their parents thinking I am some kinda weirdo.

It's best all around to keep certain things private. If you need someone to talk to about your fetishes, that's what the internet is for.

It can be frustrating at times, but I don't imagine that we are alone in that just because we have a fetish. How many "normal" people do you know who discuss their sex lives with their friends?

[Mr. X]

I don't like talking to anyone about my fetishes not even friends in the industry. I try to avoid burn out as much as possible so I only turn on the tap when I need to create material. The rest of the time I don't even consider my fetish to exist.

[drh1966]

Like a couple of others have said so far, there really isn't any reason to discuss it with others. What goes on in your bedroom shouldn't be of interest to anyone else, unless they are some religious nut who wants to tell you how you're going to hell for being some kind of deviant.

Myself? I kept my heroine fetishes to myself until my early 30's. Usually I just ran scenarios in my head during sex, did little things that I could pass off in my head as domination like grabbing her hair or cupping her mouth with my hand. Eventually I met a girl who asked me what I was into and after some hmms and hahs, I finally told her. She was interested and we tried it out. It was alright but I felt too self conscious to really enjoy it. After that, I dated a few others and depending on the situation, I'd bring it up. I was surprised at how many women were interested in role playing and domination. Finally, I met my wife and she expressed her love of WW which really helped. She bought a costume of my choice and we've played off and on for years now. I've shared some of my videos with her because she's wanted to know what I'm looking for so she's aware of CC, Rachel and others.

I don't see a downside to sharing with your partner, they can only say no. And if they think you're weird, then you don't belong with them anyway. Why live with an unhappy unsatisfying sex life?

[staggerlee]

Yeah, I was really nervous about bringing it up with my partner but she is so gung-ho about it and has been from the start. Definitely solidified in my mind that she's someone I could marry. She's been very insistent that I don't feel self conscious about it at all, which is really important. Even looked at different costumes that I said I liked and picked a few based on which ones she also thought were sexy. It's even more rewarding that she was down with the role play/peril aspect and it's made our sex life tremendous.

I have yet to share any videos with her, but I'm at the point where I want to try and see what she thinks. It'd be great if it ended up really piquing her interest, and if not, that's okay too. It is really important to be with someone who supports your sexual interests and doesn't judge you for them. I don't see how a relationship could work if they weren't supportive.

I would like to find friends within my social circle who are also into it, just because it'd be nice to be able to have the discussions instead of they typical dude-like "that chick is so hot, blah blah blah" - its just difficult to approach the subject. Maybe I should start with my friends who are really into comics.

I will say it's great to have this forum though. I've been a bit more fulfilled since joining/being active as this is a great community and makes a guy feel less alone!

[staggerlee]

Also, speaking of my girlfriend being awesome/supportive - we went to universal and I got to meet these lovely ladies. This isn't my picture, but I did get a picture with them which my girlfriend actually insisted I do (goes to show how great she is) - I think the old x-men cartoon and Rouge was actually when i realized I had this fetish so it felt very fitting.

[sam]

I didn't tell a soul about my fetish until I was 22, after about 6 months of dating my current wife. I really hadn't dated anyone seriously before her so I was extremely hesitant and careful about how to tell her. I decided on the gradual approach, so I introduced some very light bondage and she likes to be submissive so that was a relief! We continued that for a while and one night she asked me if I had any other fetishes. I vividly remember the moment that I told her and I was surprised how well she took it (not saying she "left the oven on" and never coming back lol). She was, and still is, very accepting and supportive, which is one of many reasons I married her!
Now this is my sleepy fetish that I told her about, and I'm just now realizing that I don't recall telling her directly about the superheroine fetish as well...although she may suspect it since I've suggested her to dress up as Catwoman for halloween for the past few years Oh well, something else to suggest to keep things fresh!

My advice to anyone looking to share with their partner would be the gradual approach, once you trust that person enough to share your secret, introduce some light bondage and see how they react. If they are accepting and willing to play along, wait just a little longer before introducing the "more fun" stuff!

[tallyho]

^^^ Makes sense.
Could start with something innocent and non threatening like suggesting a mask then ease towards roleplay/ a costume to go with the mask and voila!

[Supergirl is mine]

I have always kept my fetish to myself, i don't think anyone i know personally would be into it so to me they do not need to know. I did once sleep with a girl i met on a night out just because she had a Supergirl costume on, although i did not inform her that was why i made a beeline for her! I also have a Superman and Spiderman costume that i wear myself from time to time but again no one knows about this, hopefully meet someone in the future and settle down and eventually let them know about it! I always imagine it been like the scene from Friends where Ross gets Rachel to dress up as Princess Leia!

[Richter]

I keep it to myself. Too many judgemental turds and chatterchums (male and female) where I am who like to twist things around and use anything against anyone if it doesn't fit into their reality, ambitions or likes and dislikes. Glad there are people who like this stuff. I like most of it but other stuff doesn't do it for me. I guess everyone is like that I suppose. But yeah, glad I'm not alone!

[Leadpoison]

Everyone of my close friends are well-aware of my superheroine fetish. Most of them have seen my comics, posters, statues, costumes, and have seen my art.

[Mr. X]

I tell everyone I'm into smearing myself with poo cause I don't want them to think I'm weird having a superheroine fetish.

[jimbobklyn5]

I have two fetishes..underwater fetish and superheroine fetish. Of course as folks know on this forum know..I like it more when they're combined into one. As for telling people about my fetishes, I'm kinda selective. My 2 best friends and my mom know about it. The reason why I'm so selective to tell certain people is because i don't want to be labeled weird or etc.

[cdrei]

In real life, I think my superheroine interest is pretty obvious, and anyone who actually knows me seems to understand that there's something going on there, but I've never met anyone who was prepared to talk about anything relating to it. The closest they'll come is teasing me about their assumptions. Their assumptions don't seem to be terribly accurate.

I create iffy art and write dodgy stories full of SHIB themes. Many of the products of these pastimes have been posted online, over the past 14 years. I've been able to have dialogues with several people about the material and its themes, over the years. It has been rewarding to be able to correspond with others who share the interest, and I've met some nice people. All of the people I've met have a robust understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality.

Not long ago I ran across some... pretty explosive flame wars relating to the 'R'-word, specifically in connection with porn and fetishes featuring such themes. That prompted me to do a lot of reading and to ask a couple of correspondents about the matter. The topic of such porn seems to be active lately because of recent changes to the law in Britain. Whether SHIB videos or works would be forbidden under developing British regulations or not, the comments and rhetoric I've been seeing sort of cast those who enjoy things such as SHIB as Enemies of the World, really rotten people. I've never encountered anyone with any kind of bondage interest who deserved the kind of hate I've seen expressed. Apparently it can be rather risky to reveal a fetish like superheroine bondage to the wrong parties.

[rizoboy]

Like someone mentioned above, My fetish started developing at a very early age too....I was about 6 or 7 years old in Paris when I saw this pulpish comic book with a naked woman piloting a WW2 plane that is about to crash and there is this terror in her eyes that totally turned me on. I don't know why it happened; it was instinctual....Is it normal to have a fetish develop at this early stage in life? If it isn't, then there has to be some psychological event preceding this that I can't recall... any insight on this from anyone out there?

[Bert]

I was 8. Give yourself a break.

[drh1966]

I was about 6 or 7 years old in Paris when I saw this pulpish comic book with a naked woman piloting a WW2 plane that is about to crash and there is this terror in her eyes that totally turned me on. I don't know why it happened; it was instinctual....Is it normal to have a fetish develop at this early stage in life? If it isn't, then there has to be some psychological event preceding this that I can't recall... any insight on this from anyone out there?

Maybe your mother was in a WW2 plane crash and you blocked it out? Tell me about your mother...

[TIEnTEEZ]

Like someone mentioned above, My fetish started developing at a very early age too....I was about 6 or 7 years old in Paris when I saw this pulpish comic book with a naked woman piloting a WW2 plane that is about to crash and there is this terror in her eyes that totally turned me on. I don't know why it happened; it was instinctual....Is it normal to have a fetish develop at this early stage in life? If it isn't, then there has to be some psychological event preceding this that I can't recall... any insight on this from anyone out there?

I think it's probably my post you are referring to. I was very young when I developed my fetish - in fact I was so young that I didn't even really understand it. It was long before puberty, long before I knew anything about sex but it felt good and that's what mattered.

Is it normal? I have no idea. I can't think of any particular memory or trauma or anything in my past that would explain why I like what I like. I believe I was either born this way, or else whatever events in my life caused me to be how I am occurred when I was too young to remember.

On the other hand, my tastes have changed over the years. Certain elements remain the same (bondage), but I have certainly evolved and expanded what I like. I never used to like femdom, for example, but now it's one of my favorites.

[Leadpoison]

Like someone mentioned above, My fetish started developing at a very early age too....I was about 6 or 7 years old in Paris when I saw this pulpish comic book with a naked woman piloting a WW2 plane that is about to crash and there is this terror in her eyes that totally turned me on. I don't know why it happened; it was instinctual....Is it normal to have a fetish develop at this early stage in life? If it isn't, then there has to be some psychological event preceding this that I can't recall... any insight on this from anyone out there?

I think it's probably my post you are referring to. I was very young when I developed my fetish - in fact I was so young that I didn't even really understand it. It was long before puberty, long before I knew anything about sex but it felt good and that's what mattered.

Is it normal? I have no idea. I can't think of any particular memory or trauma or anything in my past that would explain why I like what I like. I believe I was either born this way, or else whatever events in my life caused me to be how I am occurred when I was too young to remember.

On the other hand, my tastes have changed over the years. Certain elements remain the same (bondage), but I have certainly evolved and expanded what I like. I never used to like femdom, for example, but now it's one of my favorites.

I think I saw Heavy Metal when I was like 8 so it was pretty much game over for me.

[maar13]

I am pretty private about it, fortunately I have been able to make some friends through it but never talk about it with pretty much anyone, even with the girls I date, is not something I feel comfortable talking about.

My fetish started with the reruns of Wonder woman, specially with "The Murderous missile" episode form the second season, I don't know it was something that really intrigued me and I was like 8 or 9 I guess, I was amazed with Lynda Carter's character and the whole Wonder Woman Aura, still My favorite superheroine of all time, after that comes Black Widow.

Like some have said before, why? I have no Idea and some things has evolved as years go by, I am mostly a chloro fan and superheroine fan, but from there it has gone for a wide variety of KO and more than superheroines to strong female characters, could be wrestling (since I love wrestling is probably natural) or spygirls and I would feel attracted to those characters and multiple ways of KOs and what I like in the end is the heroine winning, be in peril all you want (no sexual peril) but in the end, overcome it and win.

[Ezekiel]

Just interested in opening a discussion/picking your brain here. Do you share the superheroine fetish aspect with anyone else in your life? Friends/Loved ones? If so, who? And how do they feel about it? Is it something you can talk with your friends about/they also share an interest in this fetish? Or is it just something they accept as a quirk about you and respect it?

If not, why not? Are you uncomfortable or ashamed?

Very nice questions.

I have a friend who knows about my demons, because it just so happens that he's a really open minded guy and knows a thing or two about writting, and I asked him for help when I realized I wanted to write superheroine stories but I had no clue about how to do it. That aside, I think it's usually a good lifechoice to keep such things to your private life (this includes any long-term partners). In my case the secrecy does not stem from shame or discomfort, but rather from the fact that this is something really, really personal, and I'd have to really open my soul to someone to bring it up. There's no point or benefit in doing this in real life if that someone isn't a very big part of your existence.

[Dogfish]

I keep all my fetish related stuff hidden from nearly everybody all the time. Everything goes in compartments, with each knowing very little.

Family in one compartment. They don't know a damn thing.

Friends in another compartment. They know bits and bobs. Not much.

Work in another. Due to the nature of my work I can usually avoid meeting the people I work for entirely. Which is nice.

Kinky folks I know in real life through events and so on in another, they know I'm kinky because, well I wouldn't have met them otherwise, but it's not really considered polite to quiz people on the specifics of their kinks, so I keep them to myself.

Online stuff in another. The people I speak to online know the most about my kinks and the least about the guy they are actually attached to. This is how I prefer it.

Other than having to run three different accounts on social media stuff it works out mostly fine. A shrink would probably have a field day with it all.

Only downside is that I won't get to be alive at me own funeral to see what happens when all these folks meet up.

[WndrWmn28]

Everyone I know is well aware I'm a huge fan of Wonder Woman,, hell, my car's plate has 'WNDRWMN" and I have a golden lasso/invisible jet hanging from my mirror! My friends and family know I do clips and my dad was even in one of my clips as The Artist! When I first met my husband, I told him what I do, because I figure if a man can't handle me doing superheroine videos he isn't for me. Turns out he doesn't mind and even helps me, so it's totally cool.

I've always been 'unique' and marched to the beat of my own drum. If someone didn't like it, oh well. I have a very small circle and sometimes the links in the circle change as some of you know, but I know who I am and if someone else doesn't like it, that's their problem. THEY'RE the ones that are missing out