The Ultimate Superheroines Forum

Alright everyone, now that The Defeat of Archbaroness is working its way slowly towards being published I think it’s time to get started on my next Choose Her Peril story! The Defeat of Champion Girl was actually half written already, but there was a lot of things I learned doing the shorter Archbaroness one and getting feedback from people, so I have decided to re-work it from page one.

The power and horny meter WILL be in this one (once again in the background where you the reader can’t see them) but they won’t be AS major as they were in the Archbaroness one. The start will be faster and no matter what your first choice you go into the story with 10 power and 0 horny, so they will only really become important as you press on in the story.
I plan on trying to make the peril a bit longer and for there to be more choices to get out of peril, thus hopefully making any defeats all the more satisfying to the reader. As such there will be a “good” ending again, although I will try and make sure it’s possible to reach it (I’m not actually sure it was in the first one).

I’m not sure HOW this will be implemented. Unlike in the Archbaroness story there isn’t a central you HAVE to go through (the city streets) to get to different sections of town. Although I could re-write it so there is…


Anyways, here is the link: --REMOVED DUE TO IT IS NOW BEING PUBLISHED Nothing is up but the first post, but expect a few things up over the next few days. As I finish sections I’ll let you all know so you can check it out.

As always if you have feedback or things you want to see in the story let me know!

Just a heads up: Inkle is having a hard time converting the Archbaroness story into a file I can use on Amazon. Till that gets figured out and I know what is causes the problems this project is on hold. Right now we arne't sure if it is the length/complexity of that first story or all the behind the scenes logic/tracker tokens. I need to know what I need to avoid in this story before I work more on it.

Okay, having learned the limitations of the program while getting the Archbaroness book published and taking some early feedback to heart I have thrown out what I had so far and am starting mostly from scratch now.

My plan is to NOT have a power/horny meter in this book. Partially because each read doesn't come out really long enough to play with them, but mostly because they don't fit the character. Champion Girl is physically invulnerable so the peril in this one will not be as physical.

Getting started I have a question for anyone who read the previous one: Would you like to see me concentrate on exploring new areas of town/antagonists in this story? My original plan was to use most of the same area's of Megatropolis but explore them differently. What would YOU like to see?

Okay, Mark 4 of the story is started. Just the reworked intro for now, but I wanted to get the link up before I forgot about it:

--REMOVED DUE TO IT BEING PUBLISHED--

The first option says 'ake to the sky...' instead of Take to the sky.

Eitherway I'm looking forward to it.
Matt

Thanks for catching the typo. I SUPER appreciate that.

I'm working on adding things in Freedom Tower right now. I'll probably be adding a couple entries a day, but expect this book to be added a lot slower than the Archbaroness one was. When I was working on that one it was pretty much all I was working on, I have a few other projects I'm working on right now so this one is taking a back seat to those.

I decided against having a power and horny scale for this one BUT I am adding in a "weakened" and and "invigorated" tag to some of the choices in the training room. I'm not entirely sure WHAT these will unlock, but they will unlock something. And I'll probably put a few more ways to get them during certain story arches.

I got a bunch of work done in the Training Facility, including the first ending (and it’s a bad one!). The section is a little more than half done. My plan is to finish up things in Freedom Tower before moving onto other sections of the city, but if anyone has any specific requests I might work on them first.

As always any and all feedback is appreciated. I welcome everything from typos and spelling/grammar errors to general “this part of the story didn’t work for me because of these reasons”. I have this up here to try and get feedback to make the story better, so I encourage everyone to comment.

Philo Hunter wrote:Alright everyone, now that The Defeat of Archbaroness is working its way slowly towards being published I think it’s time to get started on my next Choose Her Peril story! The Defeat of Champion Girl was actually half written already, but there was a lot of things I learned doing the shorter Archbaroness one and getting feedback from people, so I have decided to re-work it from page one.

The power and horny meter WILL be in this one (once again in the background where you the reader can’t see them) but they won’t be AS major as they were in the Archbaroness one. The start will be faster and no matter what your first choice you go into the story with 10 power and 0 horny, so they will only really become important as you press on in the story.
I plan on trying to make the peril a bit longer and for there to be more choices to get out of peril, thus hopefully making any defeats all the more satisfying to the reader. As such there will be a “good” ending again, although I will try and make sure it’s possible to reach it (I’m not actually sure it was in the first one).

I’m not sure HOW this will be implemented. Unlike in the Archbaroness story there isn’t a central you HAVE to go through (the city streets) to get to different sections of town. Although I could re-write it so there is…


Anyways, here is the link: http://writer.inklestudios.com/stories/c6h3 Nothing is up but the first post, but expect a few things up over the next few days. As I finish sections I’ll let you all know so you can check it out.

As always if you have feedback or things you want to see in the story let me know!

Your link is broke

I put up a newer link lower down. Here it again and I'll go back and change the one in the first post I guess too.

--REMOVED DUE TO IT BEING PUBLISHED--

I've seen these types of stories before and I think they're really cool. The same goes for your story. Thanks.

I don't really have any suggestions, I usually just let the author decide on creative decisions. I think it's doing really well.

Cool, thanks! I t never hurts to hear I'm doing all right.

I'm just about done with The Training Facility then just two more location in Freedom Tower before I start working on the areas outside. The Armory will probably have a couple of sex scenes and I will be going out of my way to make them different from what happened in Archbaroness. And visiting the Command center will have MOSTLY hooks to other areas of town, including unlocking to big "hidden" one which is Cape Crusher's base. It will also lead into the "Heroine Abuse Network" mission which at this point will only be available through visiting the Command center.

All of the entries in the Training Facility are done! It’s a pretty mixed bag, a ton of sex scenes, at least one ending and a bunch of tags going into patrol.

The three tags, by the way, are “Invigorated”, “weakened”, and “horny”. You can get them in a variety of combinations and I’ve been trying to use those words in the text to make it clear when you get them. As of yet they don’t unlock anything, but once I get into the entries that start after begging her patrol they will unlock/lock certain options.

Next up is the Armory, which will probably have WAY less options in it.

Sorry there haven’t been too many updates recently, been working on other projects. I have been occasionally throwing a couple of new entries up as well as working on fleshing out outlines for the rest of the book.

The Armory is now totally done! I will say that there is an option if you test the helmet out with Psychia that dead ends. It leads into a fight in the industrial sector and it won’t be linked till I start working on that section down the road. The Armory ended up being pretty small, with just a few entries and choices. Once I start working on things outside Freedom Tower the choices should really multiply.

My plan is to move onto the Command Center next. It has a lot of hooks for different areas and includes hooks for the two “hidden” areas (Cape Crusher’s base and the Undermen attack at Greenway Park). It’s biggest point of interest, however, will be the chance to go with Psychia to try and take down the Heroine Abuse Network. I have all of that outlined and I’ll try to get it written and posted over the next few days before going back to my other project.

Finally coming back to this project to try and get some more work done on it. I am thinking about adding a few pictures into the story, but I'm having a hard time getting the test picture I've displayed to show up very large. If anyone looks at the story can you tell me how you feel about the size of the test picture? It's right at the beginning of the story. I'm worried it's so small it will just be annoying.

the size is fine for what the picture is, you lose a lot of detail when it's that small.

Matt

Yeah, if it was anything other than her just standing there it just wouldn't work at that size. Thing is I didn't choose for it to be that size, inkle seems to shrink everything to that size. I'm going to send them an e-mail and see if there is a way to make things display bigger, or if they will be bigger once its converted to an ebook.

If there is no way to get the pictures bigger would that size just annoy you, especially if there was more going on in the picture?

Yeah if you can't make the picture larger I wouldn't worry about including them. With that said the picture at the end of your Lady Centurion was perfect. So if it can work like that (size wise) then I'd keep it.

Matt

Okay, if I can't figure out how to make them bigger I'll just pass on them.

And you have no idea how great it is to hear that that picture in Lady Centurion came out well! I put some in Girl's Night Out and they didn't line up well, which I think had to do with the picture dimensions. The next book I put out I'll try and have all the illustrations be the same size as the one in Lady C.

BAM! Finally got all of the Heroine Abuse Network entries done. That completely finishes off Freedom Tower and it is now time for me to move out into Megatropolis proper!

As always, any and all feedback is appreciated.

I just finished a fairly large “encounter” that will have multiple paths leading to it, although for now the bathroom of shame as of now has only one path leading to it. You need to be weakened (which happens after certain things in the training facility) then once you leave for patrol keep flying. If you do Champion Girl shall fall from the sky into a dumpster (If you NOT weakened this takes you to the fight the Undermen, which I will be working on next). Once in the dumpster there you can choose to “endure” and end up in the bathroom. I know that’s pretty convoluted, but I like my paths being complex AND the bathroom will have a few other ways into it later on.

The bathroom also includes the first instances of the “Cum Queen” ending, which I think is by far my favorite ending I’ve written so far. And like the bathroom there will be multiple ways to get this ending throughout the rest of the story.

I also got an email form the Inkle staff. They claim that once the story is converted to an ebook any pictures I include will display at full size, so I might try and add some more in. You guys will only be able to see them as thumb nails though, sorry.

I'm managing to get a lot of work today, so I think I'll start in on the Undermen battle next. For those looking to check it out as I put stuff up you get to it by going on patrol and continuing to fly till Psychia calls you.

The battle with the Undermen is finished! It is probably the most complex encounter I have written so far. If anyone spends some time making Champion Girl wander through their caves and meet her ultimate fate I’d love some feedback. There is a lot of potential back and forth and jumping around of entries and I’m worried some of them read in certain order might come off as having contradictory narrative. If anyone sees anything like that please let me know so I can try and fix it!

I need a mental breather after the complexity of that section, so I’ll probably be moving onto the police station next. Unlike the Archbaroness story the events here will be a little more complex and more than just a plot hook dump (although there will be some of that).

As the story stands right now it is already approaching 40,000 words, which was about the length of Archbaroness. So this is looking like it will be significantly larger than that one! And although I still have a ton of work left to do I’m already brain storming ideas for the next book in this series. I’m thinking The Megatropolis Amazons have seen enough action and plan on centering the next installment on a character that is not a member of their team. Perhaps Domestic Goddess or a jungle themed heroine.

I plan on keeping at this over the next month a little more regularly than I did last month, although early on I'll probably take a break to get my monthly release cleaned up and released. If I don't get burned out I might be able to finish the project by the end of March.

After a long hiatus to work on other projects I am working on finishing this now. Don't know if I'll get it done before I run out of steam again, but hopefully I'll get a couple more sections done.

I'm busy finishing up the Police HQ right now. It has a few sex scenes in it and a TON of hooks to other sections which until I get to those locations will simply be dead ends for the time being.

As always any feedback is appreciated.

Alright, section complete! I ended up writing a few endings that you can get to through the police station, one of them unique to that location.

I wrote the IntelliTek ending and made it short and simple. I didn’t want it to feel too much like what happened in the Archbaroness story, with multiple choices there. I figured even if they were entirely know it would just feel the same. Unless a couple of people ask for something similar to what appeared in The Defeat of Archbaroness I will keep the IntelliTek ending short and simple.

Next I’ll probably start working on the Docks. They are probably going to be a bit complex but they lead into some of the sections I am most eager to write for this book.

I just wanted to give some personal feed back. I do not think enough people make their opinions after the author took time to write (For free).

I do like the detail in your writing, but the whole "Choose her peril" i tend to avoid, it ends up being more frustrating (for me) then satisfying. At least with a straight up written story, the reader can kinda predict the direction, but the choose the peril..tends to make the story (again for me) Chaotic and often turns from a direction I liked.

I appreciate the feedback Lordgriffin. It just sounds like this isn't your cup of tea. I have plenty of other stories available that aren't Choose Her Peril story, in fact I try to get at least two a month posted now. If you like what you read here maybe try some of my other stuff (if you haven't already). Although not everything has been published yet (I have a huge backlog of outlined stories) all of the villains, devices and such in the "Defeat of" books are things I use other places. I'm always striving to make this world a little bigger.

I've been hard at work adding to the Docks. I've been getting a couple thousand words done a day but there is still a ton left to do in the section. for those interested I'm presently adding things to the section that starts with chasing Enchantamentia. I'm in the middle of uploading some summoned demon sex right now...

And I'm trying to make a more conscious effort of making it clear what kind of sexy shenanigans can happen from your choices, but this just isn't always possible.

Everything with Enchantamentia is complete! There were a TON of choices when going after her and a few of them lead to longer entries (at least one over 1,000 words long).

I also took the time to go through the Inkle files and connect and dead ends to entries that now exist. I found probably around 15 choices that now link up to content, so that should make it so anyone wondering around the story has a slightly smoother and less frustrating experience.

I'll continue working on the docks tomorrow and hopefully I'll have the section done in a few days.

Another section complete! With the docks now done I’ll probably take a day off to write another short to post up to my free section, then I’ll come back and work on The Curb. I feel like half of the section is already done since everything with Enchantamentia takes place there and bleeds out into events in that section. But there are a handful of things to still add, mainly her visit to the insidious market square!

The Curb is finished!

There are only three sections left (The financial district, The Industrial Sector and the hidden area, Cape Crusher’s base).

I thought I would put up a quick reminder that once I submit the story to Amazon I will have to take the story down, as I want it to be part of the Kindle Unlimited deal and that means it can’t be available anywhere else online. So enjoy it while its up for free, and I hope to get a few more pieces of feedback before it’s taken down. It’s a little too late to make any major changes to this one but I’ll be starting another one once this is finished and I’d like to know what people liked and didn’t like.

It’s been a while since I got much done, but I’m now busy at work on trying to get this done. Amazon changed how payments for the KU program works and things like this now earn a LOT more money, so I’m trying to get it done asap.

I finally finished the “hidden” section today. You can get to Cape Crusher’s Base a couple of ways (mainly from picking up the location in the library in Freedom Tower or by getting the information at the police HQ).

I’ve now moved onto the Industrial Sector, so if your looking to see where I’m uploading new things that’s the place to look!

I’m nearing the end of this! Just finished up the Industrial Sector and am moving on to the last section, so this will probably be my last update before it’s on Amazon. Just a friendly reminder, once I submit it to Amazon I will need to take all the web version down, so enjoy it while its still up. And if you HAVE enjoyed it while it was free it would be amazing if you bought a copy from Amazon once it is up. I didn’t get too much feedback while it was up for free, and if the initial sales are low I might not have the next one up for free while I’m writing it.

I’ve already started to look towards what will be my next Choose Her Peril story. I’ve decided the next book will be “The Defeat of Lady Centurion”. Instead of centering on an open world and fighting random crime she will be captured by IntelliTek and taken to the dreaded “Red Floor” to endure their perverse superhuman testing. It will almost certainly not be as big as this one.

a choose her own escape sounds fantastic...looking forward too it

Matt

Do you think it would be more titilating if it was based around her trying to escape vs just having a bunch of perverted sexual tests done to her with no chance of escape?

depends on how you work it. I would think she would be attempting to escape The Red Floor, but the whole thing is littered with traps to keep such heroines/prisoners from escaping. Some of those could very well involve experiments and tests, or perhaps she hits knockout traps and awakens while being subjected to a new test. An escape path is of course possible but eventually the whole thing will take it's toll on her leading to her be caught forever.

matt

I could try something like that... That would work best with some looping options which sadly I can't do if I intend to publish it as an ebook. Something about the programming makes it so the storys won't convert right.

My idea with the defeat of series was that ALL of the endings lead to defeat, since they are non-canon. Right now I have the story flow set up life this"

Introduction to characte
Meeting with mayor which leads to a handful of sex scenes.
Patrolling city, all options lead to being captured.
waking up in the red floor, listening to dialog about where she is being taken (you choose what they say)
Then once at chosen section helping chose individual test.

I could just add a string of choices after that (if she survives tests) that leads to her trying to escape.

I'm pretty sure what ever you come up with will be great as I have enjoyed your previous work. It's too bad that the programming side of things is inhibetting that kind of story.

have a great day
Matt

Well, it is but it isn't. Inkle, the program I use (which is free by the way!) has a TON of tools, and if you use it right you can basicly make a text only game. But like 90% of the cool tools either don't work when you convert it to an ebook or can only be used in very certain ways. As I am trying to write ebooks with it, and not just freebies on line, I have to have my works limited. But even with those limitations the program can do WAY more than say trying to make a book with hyperlinks in word would do!

And thanks for the compliment! It's always nice to hear.

Okay, story is complete and I've taken the links down. hopefully I'll have the file in hand soon and be able to give everyone the link to it's page on Amazon within a week!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015F1D93S

The book is up for sale on Amazon! If you're part of the Kindle Unlimited program you can read it for free. If not the book is a readable $3.99.