A Supergirl - Origin

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Bert
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A Supergirl - Origin

Post by Bert »

I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Now, home and sick with a cold, I'm finally doing it. I've have quite a few stories floating around in my imagination, some of them involving this Supergirl character. I've tried to make the character more real world and less comic booky and fantastical. This first chapter is all I've written so far, but I intend to keep going. I've never written stories before, so don't expect much craft. I would appreciate feedback as I have plenty to learn.

Almost there, I just need to make a little disclaimer. While I've been a fan of HIP since I was about ten, which is getting to be a pretty long time ago, I abhor and am sickened by actual violence towards women. This stuff is strictly fantasy involving superpowered, fictional, costume wearing, imaginary characters. Absolutely no room for compromise there.

And away. We. Go.


A Supergirl - Origin

Chapter I

“It's not like in the comics.”

“What do you mean? I mean, you're wearing a Supergirl costume!”

“Yeah, but that doesn't mean...look, I'm using this costume because it's a symbol. It's like, shorthand for what I'm doing. People recognize it. But that doesn't mean I'm like the comics Supergirl. I can't fly. I can't shoot lasers out of my eyes. How would any of that stuff even work? Eyes react to incoming light, they don't generate it. Flying takes propulsion. How could a person generate that once they're off the ground? It's absurd.”

“Okay, so what are you saying? You don't have powers but you want to, what, run around town stopping crime in that getup anyway?”

“No, no, I'm trying to tell you...I do have powers, just not like the comics character.”

“But that's crazy. I've known you for, like...you've never had 'powers'”

She smiled. There was so much to tell. The foundation, the testing, the treatments, the training. It was a wild story and she wasn't sure how Eddie would react, but she knew he'd have her back. That's why she'd asked him over now that she was ready to start.

“Okay Eddie, before I get into all of that I want to do a demonstration.”

She stood up and faced him.

“Come on, get up. Okay, step closer. Now, hit me!”

“Wait, what?”

“I want you to punch me. It's okay, Eddie. You won't hurt me. I'm a bit tougher than I look!”

Eddie looked at her like she was insane.

“You can't be serious?”

“I am one hundred percent serious. Punch me in the stomach.”

Eddie started shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He was rubbing his hands together and slowly shaking his head from side to side.

“Krissy, there's no way that's going to happen. What are you doing?”

“You want to know why I'm wearing this suit, and I'm showing you. Now come on, stop being such a baby and hit me!”

“But I can't...I've never hit a girl in my life. You're one of my best friends. This is crazy!”

Krissy put her hands on her hips and frowned. Eddie was a sweet guy, but she needed him to understand and this was the simplest way. She struck a firmer tone.

“Eddie, we need to do this. It's not a joke. Make a fist and punch me in the stomach. Right now!”

Looking very unsure of himself, Eddie curled his hand into a fist. He shot her a pleading look, as if to say “I really, really don't want to do this.” but her expression remained steadfast. She pointed to her tummy.

“Right here, buddy. And don't hold back!”

Eddie paused.

“Don't hold back?”

“Yeah, full 'Fight Club'. I want you to hit me as hard as you can!”

She grinned at him. It was a very odd request, but she knew it was the easiest way to prove her point. Eddie moved his fist towards her stomach, checking to see if it was the right spot. She nodded and tightened her abs.

“Go ahead, Eddie. It's okay.”

He drew his fist back and lightly poked it back into her stomach. He looked at her, hoping that would be good enough.

“Come on Eddie, I'm being serious here. Do it again, but much harder.”

He sighed. The first punch had little force, but Krissy's abs had felt...really firm.

“Okay, but if I hurt you I'm gonna feel sick about it.”

He again made a fist. This time he adjusted his footing to allow himself to deliver a proper punch. He looked into her eyes.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Oh for God's sake Eddie, just do it!”

Krissy put her hands on her hips and again tightened her abs. Eddie drew back his fist and threw a genuine punch, with much greater force than the first time. The blow caused Krissy to step back an inch or two, but she showed no sign of pain. She grinned at him.

“Now we're getting somewhere. Now Eddie, I know you can hit harder than that. This time, give it all you've got!”

He started to object, but she just shook her head at him and stood, hands on hips, awaiting his best shot. The strangeness of the moment was palpable, but Eddie had to admit that the last punch hadn't hurt her in the least. He resolved to do as she asked. He shifted his stance slightly and drove his fist into her gut as hard as he could. The blow forced her back several inches, and she bent forward ever so slightly from the impact, but she smiled sweetly at him and appeared completely unharmed.

“What the hell, Krissy? How could that not hurt?”

“We'll get to that. Now punch me in the face!”

“Whaaat? No. No way. I won't do it!”

“Eddie, I'll tell you the whole story. I promise. But you have to understand first. I'm...different now. I'm stronger. Much stronger. And I'm basically impervious to injury. I can feel everything, and if I get hit hard enough it hurts, but I can't be damaged. So no more pleading, no more wimping out or being a gentleman. Give me your best right cross. Do it now.”

Eddie's head was swirling. They'd been close friends for years, until she had moved away for a mysterious new job and dropped off the grid for over a year. Now she was back, looking more beautiful than ever, dressed in a Supergirl outfit and telling him to punch her in the face. Sometimes life could be strange. Her voice broke his reverie.

“Dude! Quit screwing around and hit me!”

“Okay, Okay.”

He stood in front of her. He was a good four inches taller than her 5'8” frame, and at a sturdy 195 he must have outweighed her by at least 60 lbs. She tapped her left cheek playfully and put her hands behind her back. Her expression hardened a bit, as if to warn him not to hold back, and she nodded. Eddie shook his head slightly, acknowledging the bizarre situation, and let out a resigned sigh. He assumed a boxer's stance and let fly with a powerful right cross. His fist impacted on Krissy's left cheek, snapping her head violently to the right and eliciting a faint “uhhh” from her lips. Her long blond hair whipped around her face. For an instant, Eddie felt a sinking feeling in his gut thinking he had hurt his friend. But she turned back to face him, a wide smile beaming from her face. She winked at him.

“See! I'm totally fine! Cool, hey?”



Had all that really just happened yesterday, Krissy thought? She was standing in a poorly lit alley. A young woman with torn clothing was running down the alley towards the distant street, sobbing. A large, unkempt man stood before her, his eyes flashing with anger.

“You scared away my score. Now you're gonna take her place!”

Krissy backed up a step, her confidence waning. But no, she thought, this was why she was out here. She straightened up, widened her stance and put her fists on her hips.

“Not now, filthy hood. Not ever! Bring it!”

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DrDominator9
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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Nice natural style and tone. Engaging dialogue and realistic approach. I'm interested to see how this develops. Good start.
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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Great start! I like your style, and the concept, too.

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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A Supergirl – Origin

Chapter II

Cutter loved blondes. Sure, he was Irish and should probably have a thing for gingers, but it was the flaxen-haired babes that always got him. It made him feel classy, because 'Gentlemen prefer blondes'. It was too early to head to the meet, and old Cutter needed some action. As if on cue, a blonde cutie came scampering up the alley, looking more than a little lost. Hardly believing his luck, the big man stepped out of the shadows as she was rushing by. He grabbed her arm and pulled her up against the brick wall of the alley.

“Hey, Baby. What's your sign?”

He leered at her as she struggled in his grip.

“Let me go! I'll scream!”

A smack echoed down the long alleyway as he backhanded the girl. Not too hard, he wanted her conscious. He started to tear off her blouse as she stared up through tears into his hulking face.

“No, please, don't do this!”

They always begged, these girls. Sometimes they'd fight a bit, but they always begged for mercy. He was about to continue removing her top when a noise alerted him that they were not alone. Cutter frowned as he glanced over his shoulder, only to see something that didn't really register at first. He released the girl and turned fully around, staring in slack-jawed amazement. Six feet away stood the most beautiful woman McGillicutty had ever laid eyes on. She was slim, with long, shiny blonde hair and an athletic, yet feminine build. Her face was angelic, her skin perfect, her posture poised. But it was what she was wearing that Cutter couldn't process. She looked for all the world like a movie superhero. A blue top that featured a red Superman “S” stretched across her shapely chest, a red skirt, fairly short with a slit left of center, red boots and a red cape.

“Careful there, Bucko. You're going to swallow a fly.”

He blinked and continued staring. The girl he had attacked peeked past him. Krissy met her gaze and flicked her head in the direction of the street down the long alley. The girl nodded and took off, running as fast as her feet would carry her. The girl's escape brought Cutter to his senses. His expression hardened and he took a menacing step towards the blonde beauty.

“You scared away my score. Now you're gonna take her place!”

He noted the costumed girl's reaction with satisfaction as she took a cautious step back. But then...

“Not now, filthy hood. Not ever! Bring it!”

She raised her hands into a fighting stance. Cutter smiled. He towered over her, 6'4”, 240 lbs. of gang enforcer muscle.

“What are you s'possed to be, Superman's little sister?”

“You're about to find out what I am!”

Her confidence irked him. He was gonna enjoying taking this crazy chick. He moved forward and lunged to grab her arm. She sidestepped away from his grasping arm and delivered a punch to his ribs.

“Ghunn. Not bad, girly. Wanna try that again?”

Krissy was surprised her punch didn't have more effect. It felt like punching a tree and she had been knocked back slightly by her blow. She realized his large size meant she would have to plant herself to generate enough force to hurt him with a punch or kick.

Smack!

“Uunhh!” Cutter's massive fist caught Krissy on the left side of her face, spinning her half around and sending her into the opposite wall of the alley. Rookie mistake, she thought, pondering details while a dangerous opponent is threatening. Her three quarter length cape settled around her taut body as she leaned against the wall. Her left hand fluttered up to her cheek, which was burning a bit from the blow. I've never been hit that hard. This bozo is going to pay for...

Cutter grabbed a handful of her blonde hair with one hand and her cape with the other.

“Hey! What are you...Ahhhhh!”

The massive thug hurled her backwards across the alley. Her back and head impacted a large metal garbage bin with a thud.

“Ohhhh!” she exclaimed as she bounced forward and landed on all fours at Cutter's feet. He looked down on her, smiling. Her long hair hung down, the ends touching the alley surface. Her red cape hung off to the side, affording him a fine view of her shapely ass that was barely covered by the short skirt. A large bulge was growing in his pants.

“Almost done,” he sneered as he kicked her hard in the ribs.

“Nuhhhhgh” she cried as she was flipped onto her back next to the garbage bin.

I...I didn't expect this level of violence. This creep is playing for keeps. I need to get the upper hand here. But as she looked up at him through her disheveled locks, Krissy realized that she wasn't really hurt. The blows had been painful, but not overly so. She was unharmed. She was also much stronger than her foe. It was time for him to find that out.

“Okay Bubba, my turn!”

She sprang to her feet more quickly than Cutter could believe. Before he could react she grabbed his belt with one hand, the front of his shirt with the other, and with a grunt of effort she lifted the huge man right off his feet and over her head.

“What the hell! Woman, put me...aaahhhh!”

It was Krissy's turn to smile. She'd thrown the thug six feet across the alley and into the opposite wall, where he'd landed in a crumpled heap in the dirt, groaning.

“That's right, creep. I'm far stronger than you. I suggest you stay down.”

Cutter was in pain, and confused about what had just happened. But he was also a gang enforcer, and no chick on earth was getting the better of him in a fight. He slowly rose from the ground, turned to face the little superchick and raised his fists.

“Girl, you just made the biggest mistake of your life.”

Krissy was again confronted with the sheer brutality of her opponent. He knew what she could do, but he still wanted to fight. She knew, now, that if he won he would surely rape her, and probably try to kill her. It was a lot to take in, but she knew when she signed on a year ago that this was the end goal. She was ready. She had this.

“Wrong choice, Bucko!”

She leapt past him toward the alley wall. It was an impossible jump, six feet in length with her foot then pushing off the alley wall five feet off the ground. Cutter barely registered what she had done when her fist smashed into his jaw as she rebounded from the wall. He dropped to the ground like a giant sack of potatoes, again groaning.

It's over, Krissy thought to herself. Suddenly, Cutter's leg slashed out, sweeping Krissy's red boots off the alley surface. She landed awkwardly on her side, surprised that there was any fight left in her foe. She sprang to her feet, only to see Cutter lumbering up the alley away from her. She hesitated for an instant. The girl had been saved, the thug thrashed. Did she need to chase him down?

Yes, yes she did. He needed to be completely defeated to get the message across that she was now the city's protector. There could be no doubt about her victory. She had to make him submit. She sprinted down the alley after him. She spotted his fleeing foot 50 yards ahead as he entered a sub-alley. That has to be a dead end, she thought to herself. She approached the sub-alley carefully. A cornered thug might try something desperate. She peered around the corner. It looked clear. She entered the smaller alley and advanced. It soon opened up into a tiny courtyard. There, in the dingy light, stood Cutter, side by side with another gang banger.

“See Boss, what'd I tell ya.”

They took a step forward. Krissy paused. Two of them? A noise from behind caused her to whirl her head around. A third large man stepped out of an alcove, blocking her retreat.

“Well, Superchick? How do you think you'll do against three of us?”
Last edited by Bert 1 year ago, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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Great concept and a nice engaging style - good work!
How strange are the ways of the gods ...........and how cruel.

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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Another very realistically rendered chapter that is a fun read. You've got a fresh voice and a solid talent for this genre.
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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A Supergirl - Origin

Chapter III

This was not how she had imagined it. Throughout the yearlong transformation she had experienced, Krissy had seen her new self as living out the dream of her benefactor – protecting the helpless and triumphing over evil. Her gifts, the strength of ten normal men and invulnerability from injury, plus increased pain tolerance, would win the day. Criminals would cower before her might. People would feel safer.

Her current reality was much different. A young woman, alone in the night, cornered by three large, cruel and violent men who intended to defeat her, have their way with her, kill her if they could. She looked into their faces. What she saw was chilling. Raw lust and malevolence, with a hint of sport – as if this was a game to them. She wanted to run away. How had her first patrol gone so awry?

No, she thought, I am ready for this. Defeating creeps like this is my mission. This is a good thing. When word spreads that I took out three thugs at once, fear will spread among the criminal element. It will make the streets safer.

The gang had backed her up to a wall in the courtyard. She took a fighting stance, left leg forward and fists raised. She spoke with all the confidence she could muster.

“All right guys, who wants to be humbled first?”

No one responded. She noticed all three men staring lasciviously at her body. She glanced down. The slit in her red skirt was parted and most of her lightly tanned left thigh was exposed.

“Girl, you are so fine! This is gonna be the best partay of my entire life!”

It was the boss who spoke. Cutter remained quiet, perhaps because his earlier encounter had left him cautious. The third thug licked his lips and blew Krissy a leering kiss. Her confidence suddenly evaporated. Her left hand reached awkwardly to the slit in her skirt, trying to cover up. It was all the opening the boss needed. He reached out, grabbed her left wrist in his right hand and yanked her forward. Though not as big a Cutter, he was well over 200 lbs. Krissy was almost pulled off her feet. The boss reached across his body with his left hand and threw a vicious bitch slap into her left cheek. She saw it coming, but somehow she couldn't react to defend herself.

Smack!

“Uunhhh!”

Her head spun savagely to the right, sending a wave of long hair flying. He roughly yanked her back up.

Smack!

“Nuhhhhh!”

Smack!

“Ohhhhh!”

The boss grabbed the front of the beauty's costume, sliding his fingers inside the neckline. He held her up in front of him. Strands of hair partly covered her face. Her eyes were partially closed. Her head was lolled back. She looked frightened.

“Cutter, what were you going on about? This chick is hot as hell, but she ain't no fighter.”

Krissy was in a daze of fear. They were so big. So strong. So brutal. They meant to have her, and that thought was too much. She had never been threatened like this, beaten like this. The heroine was gone, replaced by a scared young woman at the mercy of a gang. But the boss's words re-lit something inside her. No, she thought, I AM a fighter. Not just any fighter, either. I have powers. She realized again that the vicious blows hadn't hurt that much. It was the shock of being on the receiving end of brutal violence that had unnerved her. Come on, Krissy, fight back!

The boss was looking at Cutter, waiting for a reply. Krissy reached up and grabbed the wrist that held her costume. The boss looked back in surprise just as she wrenched his hand loose and whipped his arm over her head. Now she was holding the big man in a standing arm bar. She fired two sharp kicks into his midsection, eliciting loud grunts, then planted her feet and yanked hard on the arm, sending him careening into the center of the courtyard. He landed face down and curled into a fetal position while cradling his arm.

She glanced back towards the others. Cutter was looking slightly worried and took a step back, but where was the third...

“Whuuugh!”

The third man tackled her from the side without warning. He landed heavily on top of her and quickly pinned her on her back, straddling her midsection with his legs. He grabbed her wrists and pinned them beside her head. She was swallowed up by his size. He loomed over her.

“Time for that kiss, Baby!”

Krissy managed to stay calm. With her back on the ground she could bring all her strength into play. Though the thug was leaning down on her wrists, she slowly forced her arms up from the ground, staring at him as his expression changed from lust to surprise.

“I have the strength of ten men, you fiend! Still want that kiss?”

She gave a sudden jolt and threw him backwards. He landed on his ass at her feet, looking confused.

“Well here it is!” she hissed as she straight-kicked him square in the face. His lip split open as he slumped onto his back.

Okay, Krissy, that's two down. Now finish this!

She turned to face Cutter. He glanced left and right at his fallen comrades, and then back at her.

“What are you?”

“I'm the woman who is going to protect people from the likes of you and your friends. Your reign of terror is over.”

“B...but, you're just a girl!”

He raised his hands, palms forward, and slowly backed away.

“Just the girl who's mopping the floor with you mooks.”

His retreat cut off by the courtyard wall, Cutter nervously assumed a fighting stance. Krissy took satisfaction in his concern. She was getting through to these thugs. They were learning not to mess with her. She looked into his face, searching for a sign of fear. Wait...is that a smirk on his face? But why would he be...

Too late she realized he had been stalling, waiting for his friends to recover. She wheeled around, blonde hair flying, only to be met with a two by four swung like Babe Ruth's bat, right into her gut.

“Gunhhh!”

She pitched forward, her long hair describing a perfect arc, ending almost in contact with the ground. The fierce blow came with no warning. She had no time to tighten her stomach muscles. Ohhhh, I really felt that one. Gotta recover before...

A knee lift caught her square in the face.

“Unhhh!”

More pain. Krissy struggled to get her bearings. I'm a sitting duck. Come on girl, get it together.

She forced herself to concentrate. There. The boss guy. Time to...

But as she stepped towards the boss, the third man delivered a smashing blow to the side of her head with the length of two by four, breaking the board in the process.

Krissy fell silently to the pavement of the courtyard as her cape settled over her body like a shroud. It hugged the contours of her body, further arousing her foes. Her blonde hair was splayed out around her head, partly covering her face. She moaned and stirred, trying to rise.

“Are you kidding me? I just broke this freaking board on her face and she's still moving!”

The third thug hooked his foot under Krissy's waist and flipped her onto her back. They all moved it for a closer look.

“Uh, Guys? There isn't a single mark on her. No bruises, no cuts, nothing.”, Cutter observed.

The boss pondered this information for a few seconds.

“Well, that means she's still pretty for what comes next!” he finally concluded.

“Boys, hold her down.”

Stunned by the massive blow to her head, Krissy was trying to regain her senses when two of the men descended on her. One grabbed her legs, the other her arms. They pulled her out straight and rested all their considerable weight on her limbs, pinning her in place. The boss straddled her and lowered onto her waist. He grabbed her chin roughly, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“Time to pay the toll, Superbitch.”

Krissy was panicked. She struggled, but they had all the leverage and they held her tight. She looked into the thug's eyes as he leered down on her. I, I can't believe this is happening. These creeps are going to take me!

“No, stop. Don't do this!”

“It never fails”, Cutter intoned, “they always beg.”

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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Another good chapter. I could be wrong but I suspect she will not be "taken."
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

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A Supergirl - Origin

Chapter IV

“Please, no. Stop...Please stop...”

The gang boss did not stop. He held her chin in one hand, forcing her to watch him. His other hand slowly traced out the red “S” that stretched across her chest. She squirmed under his touch. She tried to look away, but he pulled her face back to meet his steady, leering face.

“Don't. Please don't do this!”, she pleaded. He grinned evilly and cupped her left breast in his right hand. He squeezed, testing the firmness.

“S...stop! Please stop!”, Krissy begged.

The gang boss was in his glory. The superchick had put up one hell of a fight, but now she was right where he wanted her. Releasing her breast, he reached behind his back and ran his hand up her left thigh. He felt the slit in her skirt fall away as his fingers continued their journey upward.

Krissy closed her eyes. Her inexperience allowed this gang of creeps to get the upper hand on her, and now...now they were going to take her. They were massive men, hardened and cruel. She was alone, terrified, helpless. Her arms and legs were pinned. She couldn't stop them. Their leader was molesting her at will. It was hopeless.

The leader's probing fingers met the elastic edge of her panties. He deftly slid his fingers under them and delved further, seeking...

Krissy's eyes flew open. The boss gazed down at her, his mind mostly on his right hand. Her head was resting on the courtyard pavement, surrounded by a dishevelled mound of blonde hair that shimmered in the dim yellow light. He noted her startling beauty, completely unmarked from the brutal pounding they had subjected her to. Her lips were parted, her green eyes wide. A soft whimper had escaped her lips as his fingers invaded her panties. In his distracted state, he failed to notice the change in her eyes as his fingers neared her mound.

The frightened daze she was under receded the moment his hand approached her privates. The shock of that defilement riveted her attention on escaping his clutches. She quickly assessed her predicament. She was being held firmly by the other two thugs, but they could not match her strength. With a sudden lurch she yanked her left leg free. Cutter, who was watching his boss's hand invade Krissy's uniform, looked up as her leg escaped his hold. Her knee hit her molester in the back, causing his finger to bump forward and inadvertently slide into her slit.

“Ohhhhh”, she gasped, but she persisted. She drove her freed leg forward, blindly but hard, kicking Cutter straight in the face with great force. His nose fractured instantly and his head snapped back violently. He fell backwards off her other leg, unconscious. Both legs free, she drove her knees hard into the boss's back, sending him sprawling into the thug holding her arms. She pulled her arms from beneath the men and rose to her feet.

Thank God I got them off me, she thought as she glanced at the unprotected alleyway. Krissy the attempted rape victim wanted desperately to run. The Supergirl in her wanted to make the bangers pay. She hesitated. The two remaining thugs were back on their feet, and they were ready for more.

“Look Sean, Superbitch wants to take off. What's wrong Honey, too much man for you?”

She scowled at the Boss. For the first time in the entire altercation, Krissy became genuinely angry.

“You want to finish this, pig? Fine with me!”

She walked straight up to the boss and mule-kicked him in the chest. A loud crack sounded as his sternum fractured. He flew back like he'd been shot from a cannon, landing ten feet away in a moaning heap, out of the fight. She turned to the third man.

“Sean, is it? Look around. You have no chance.”

He smiled at her, reached into his pockets and retrieved a pair of brass knuckles. Sliding them onto his hands, he walked to the alley entrance, blocking her way.

“Not much of a conversationalist, are you Sean?”

He licked his lips again and motioned her to come forward.

Krissy was feeling much more confident. Two of the three attackers were down and out. She would make short work of this one and leave victorious. She raised her fists and advanced. His brass knuckles flashed in the alley light, but he could not injure her. She shot a jab at his face. He dodged to the side. She fired a side kick at his belly, but he deflected it.

“So you've had some training.” she observed. “It won't matter. You're about to join your friends on the ground.”

Again he motioned her forward. She became frustrated. She pivoted on her right foot and aimed a side kick at his head. The thug spun to his right, blocking the kick with his right forearm, and then drove his elbow straight into her exposed crotch with all his strength.

“Aiiiyy”, she screamed. She dropped like a stone, ending up sitting on her folded legs with both hands plunged between them. She rocked gently fore and aft, her face a mask of pain. Sean was not finished. Grabbing a handful of her golden tresses, he jerked her head up. She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes as he drew back his fist.

“No”, she begged. He smiled and drove his brass knuckles straight into her face.

“Unnhhh!”

Her head snapped back. He yanked it forward, his other hand still grasping her hair.

Bam!

“Uhhhhh!”

Bam

“Ohhhh!”

Bam!

“Ohhhhhhhh!”

Sean released his grip on Krissy's hair. Her upper body fell to the side of her folded legs, onto outstretched arms. Her hair hung down over her bowed head, brushing the tops of her hands. She whimpered in pain, causing her hair to wave gently I...I'm invulnerable. H...how can this be happening to me?

Sean prepared to finish her off, but the sound of an approaching siren intruded. He listened as it approached and then kept blaring, though the car was obviously stopped. Cops. The Banger retreated to the courtyard, roused his friends and helped them slink off into one of the many doorways.

Krissy struggled to her feet. She didn't want to be seen in her state or answer questions. She staggered back to the main alley and went the opposite direction from the now visible police car.

Retrieving her street clothes, she phoned her friend Eddie.

“M...meet me at home.”

“Krissy? Are you okay?”

“J...just meet me, Eddie.”

“Okay. Okay, I'll be right there.”

Krissy dressed and headed home, still in shock from her first outing.





That's it for story number one. Let me know what you liked and what you didn't. I have quite a few more ideas for stories if there is any interest.

Bert

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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by Bert »

Thank you to Tallyho, Dr. Dom and Scwank for the feedback, and to everyone who gave this a read. Writing and sharing a story kind of puts you out there a bit and it's nice to receive a word or two of acknowledgement. Much appreciated!

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DrDominator9
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by DrDominator9 »

Now that you've given us a taste of this new origin, I hope you take some time in the next chapter to reveal some of the backstory for how Krissy got her extraordinary powers, how Eddie fits into her life and who are the people behind her powers.

Exploring how she reacts to the danger she's taken on herself after experiencing just how bad things can get for her should also play a role in the chapter.

As for the costume she wears, you mentioned she's donned it as a sort of a shorthand for who she is so I'm wondering if she's overshot her mark since she doesn't seem nearly as powerful as the emblem she's chosen to wear. Is that costume something she made or had made by the people who gave her these powers. If it's a Supergirl costume she bought online, obviously it offers her no real protection. She might have to keep buying new costumes if her adventures take her into burning buildings or what not.

In any case, it's an intriguing concept you have opened up, a new realistic approach to Supergirl written in a clean style that is worth pursuing. I eagerly anticipate more.
Follow this link to descriptions of my stories and easy links to them:

viewtopic.php?f=70&t=32025&p=163444#p163444

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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by Bert »

Now that you've given us a taste of this new origin, I hope you take some time in the next chapter to reveal some of the backstory for how Krissy got her extraordinary powers, how Eddie fits into her life and who are the people behind her powers.

Exploring how she reacts to the danger she's taken on herself after experiencing just how bad things can get for her should also play a role in the chapter.

As for the costume she wears, you mentioned she's donned it as a sort of a shorthand for who she is so I'm wondering if she's overshot her mark since she doesn't seem nearly as powerful as the emblem she's chosen to wear.
Yes, my plan is to reveal the backstory a bit at a time. Partly because it's fun to keep people guessing a bit and partly to not bog down individual stories with too much exposition. There will definitely be more development of Eddie and his relationship with Krissy, including him getting involved in the action at one point in a scene that will hopefully humanize Krissy's heroic side and show her bravery and willingness to sacrifice.

Krissy's reaction to her first night as a heroine is first up on the menu for the second (as yet unwritten) story. I was sick with a nasty cold when I wrote the first story, so I had time to devote to writing. I "published" each of those chapters as soon as I finished writing them. Future work will come a bit more slowly.

I really appreciate your interest. I was unsure how people would react to the, um, tenor of my work. I want to spend time on story-telling, but perhaps not to the level of some of the excellent writers on this forum. I really love the action/fighting aspect of superheroines, including exploring the mental state of a powerful woman as she actively engages in combat. I think getting inside the heroine's head during a fight is the thing a written story offers that a video has more difficulty getting across. That aspect will likely continue to be prominent in my stories.

Thanks for your feedback and support!

By the way, were you pleased or disappointed that your prediction about Krissy's assault turned out to be correct? :hmmm:

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by DrDominator9 »

By the way, were you pleased or disappointed that your prediction about Krissy's assault turned out to be correct? :hmmm:
It played out pretty much how I expected but anytime you can deliver a superheroine beat down as well described as that one, I assure you, I'll be pleased. :yes:
Follow this link to descriptions of my stories and easy links to them:

viewtopic.php?f=70&t=32025&p=163444#p163444

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by wondergirlsupragirl »

Love your writing style with the hot fight action and sexy descriptions added! :yahoo:

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by Bert »

Thanks so much. I'm glad a few people are enjoying this.

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by scwank »

I'm glad a few people are enjoying this.
Just chiming in to say that I suspect more than just those commenting are really enjoying this. I know I've been guilty of reading & not commenting on stories in the past. My life comes in ebbs and flows, as I suspect as the case for many people. When life gets busy, it's all I can do to pop in, read something, and pop out. (Short version: please keep it coming!)

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by DrDominator9 »

Just to put things in perspective a bit, this thread has been viewed 642 times in about 14 days. That comes out to 45 views per day which is a terrific daily average of readership. Obviously, Bert, you've found a nice steady audience and should be very encouraged. The fact is that stories here at the Forum don't always get a lot of feedback for a variety of reasons, some of which are those stated by scwank above. But when you see readership numbers like you have, you should realize that it's more than "a few people" and that you're doing well at this. Keep it up, pal! :thumbup:
Follow this link to descriptions of my stories and easy links to them:

viewtopic.php?f=70&t=32025&p=163444#p163444

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Re: A Supergirl - Origin

Post by Bert »

Thanks, guys. I fully intend to continue with this series of stories, although I can't guarantee how quickly they might arrive. I'm partway through the next chapter of "Humbled" right now. Our Supergirl is having a pretty tough time with the gang.

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