A Supergirl - Humbled

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Bert
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A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

While this story directly follows the events of "A Supergirl - Origin", I'm giving it a new thread. Perhaps that's bad form? I'm not sure. I'd prefer to keep the individual stories to ten to fifteen pages or so just for ease of readability, so I'm going with a fresh thread for each one. Also, I'm discovering that the feedback loop is an important cog in this writing machine, so feel free to share your thoughts, good or bad. Just knowing that someone has read the damned stuff is fulfilling.





A Supergirl – Humbled

Chapter I

“I got my ass kicked, Eddie. There were three of them. They were so big... I, I tried to fight them, but...but...Eddie, they almost...they wanted to rape me!”

Krissy was ensconced in a bathrobe and curled up in the corner of her sofa. Her thighs were pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around her shins, huddling like a ball. Her hair, still dishevelled and dirty from her ordeal, settled over and around the bulky collar of the robe. Her face, though not showing a single sign of injury, was also slightly grimy. Her friend sat opposite her on a love seat. He was leaning forward and listening intently, with a look of great concern on his face.

“Krissy, are you sure you aren't hurt? You look...a bit rough around the edges.”

Krissy stared down into her robe-covered kneecaps.

“Yes, I'm sure. Like I told you, I'm pretty much invulnerable to injury. Thing is, while I'm also quite a bit more resistant to pain than a regular person, I do still feel everything. At a certain level, things start to hurt a lot. Tonight, one of the gang guys punched me right in the face again and again with brass knuckles. Eddie, it hurt so much...”

“Jesus Krissy! Well that's it then, right? You're going to quit this thing?”

“I...I don't know.”

“You don't know? This is insane. You just got beat up by three criminals! They tried to rape you! And you're considering doing more of this?”

“I'm not sure what I think right now. I came back here with a mission. A mission to help clean up our streets. I have special abilities. I can do things other people can't. But our program got cut short. We never finished the training phase. I haven't explored my full capabilities, or my limits. I thought my strength and my invulnerability would be enough. I didn't expect...”

Her voice tailed off. She sobbed into her knees for a few seconds.

“I didn't expect the guys I'd be facing would be so...brutal. I didn't expect the pain. They smashed me in the head with a plank! And the last guy, before he hit me with the brass knuckles...”

She paused again.

“He...he hit me right in the crotch.”

Eddie's look of concern deepened further.

“Oh Krissy. I'm so sorry.”

She looked up at him, her eyes brimming.

“It hurt so bad! It's like certain parts of my anatomy are more sensitive.”

Eddie pondered for a few seconds.

“Well maybe the extra toughness – your resistance to pain – it's, like, proportional.”

She cocked her head slightly sideways, looking quizzical.

“You know”, Eddie continued, “areas that were more sensitive before, those areas are tougher now like the rest of you, but still more sensitive than, like, your abdominal muscles. Still in proportion!”

Krissy slowly nodded her head.

“That makes sense. So when you slugged me in the stomach, with my muscles tightened up, it didn't hurt at all because I'm really strong so my muscles are super tough.”

“Yeah”. Eddie agreed.

When you hit me in the face it did hurt, but only a little. There isn't much muscle there, but I was ready for the punch.”

“Totally! And I can't speak for you, but in my case the crotch is a really sensitive area, and being ready for it won't make a bit of difference.”

“Right. Uh...same here! Well, maybe not exactly the same...”

She grinned a bit, her first sign of coming out of the funk she was trapped in.

“Yeah,” Eddie replied, “let's face it, the male body is a bit ridiculous from a, you know, design perspective!”

They shared a laugh.

“Okay, so we've identified some issues. If I take those weaknesses into account, next time I can be more prepared, and...

“Hey, hang on a sec.” Eddie interrupted, “Who said anything about 'next time'?”

Krissy shrugged, forcing the collar on her robe to rise and causing her hair to fall more around each side of her face. The little grin was back. Through his disapproval, Eddie was struck by just how beautiful his friend had become. She was always really attractive, but the year away had somehow increased her beauty. She seemed a bit taller, her breasts were larger and so...shapely, her skin was so perfect, with just a hint of a tan and very faint freckles across her nose, and her hair, even as dirty as it was after her fight, just seemed to glow.

“Eddie?”

“Huh? What?”

“It just seemed like you were somewhere else for a second there.”

“Oh. Uh...no, I'm good. What were we...oh yeah, you're not really considering continuing with this, are you?”

“I'm not sure yet. I have to think about it. I'll sleep on it and try to decide tomorrow. Hey, if I make up the sofa, would you mind, um, spending the night? I'm still kinda freaked out. I'd feel better knowing you were here.”

“As you wish.” Eddie responded, smiling. He knew she'd get the reference – they'd watched The Princess Bride more than once together.

“You can't be too careful, what with all the R.O.U.S's about!” she replied with a broad smile.

“R.O.U.S's? I doubt they exist!” he responded. They both laughed.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by scwank »

Nice character development. I did find myself Googling R.O.U.S.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by DrDominator9 »

Cute little background scene. Thanks for the look-in on Krissy and Eddie.

Starting a new thread for a new story is fine although this feels more like a follow-up chapter than a complete new story. If this will go on to be a self-contained story then keep it as a new thread; if not, I can move it back to the other thread and just keep new chapter titles I suppose.
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

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Nice character development. I did find myself Googling R.O.U.S.
Thanks. There will be some action coming up fairly soon. As for rodents of unusual size, I guess that wasn't quite as ubiquitous a reference as I thought!

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

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This one was tough to write, and to share. I tried to wiggle out of doing it, but in the end it had to happen. The logical continuity of the story required something like the last part of the chapter to take place. Plus it was a good vehicle to advance Eddie's relationship with Krissy and to demonstrate Eddie's strengths and values. As always, opinions welcome.


Chapter II

Somewhere, lost in the netherworld between sleep and wakefulness, the fingers of Eddie's right hand wove themselves into a mass of light golden hair. It was soft and shiny. He smelled the faintest hint of lavender. He smiled. He heard a faint moan in his left ear. A moan of...delight? He pushed himself up onto his elbows to see the face he was next to...he couldn't make out who it was. He gently brushed aside some strands of blonde hair to get a better look. He still couldn't tell...too much hair in the way...have to move it aside...wait, is that a bruise? A cut as well? Who...? “Eddie”, she whispered. “Eddie...”, a little louder...

“Eddie!”

He startled awake, blinking in the morning light of Krissy's living room. She was standing in the kitchen, a carton of eggs in her hand, grinning.

“Up and at 'em, slacker!”

“K...Krissy!”

“In the flesh! Good dream?” Her grin widened as she glanced down his body. He was lying on his back on her sofa, covered by a light pink sheet she had tossed to him the previous evening. There was a distinct tenting of the sheet about halfway down his covered form. Eddie blinked again and then followed her gaze...

“Oh Jeezus!” His face reddened quickly as he whipped his knees up and grabbed the sheet, bunching it up over his torso.

Krissy laughed as she turned back to making breakfast.

Eddie started stammering - “That's, that's just a g...guy thing! It doesn't mean...it's just a morning...”
“Relax Eddie. No, really dude, you need to relax!” She laughed even harder. Eddie's face was glowing red.

“Hey Eddie, didn't you mention that you have a bunch of holiday time you need to use up at work?”

“Um, uh, yeah...they owe me four weeks. Why?”

“Well I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know it's a big ask, but would you be willing to take the time now and...help me?”

Eddie's eyes narrowed.

“Help you what?”

“Train. Become a better Supergirl.”

Eddie's brow furrowed.

“You really want to carry on with this?”

“I really do.”

Eddie's mind switched into organizational mode. He thought for a few minutes.

“Okay, here's what we'll do...”



Two days later they were moving supplies into Eddie's parent's cabin next to a remote lake. They drew up a training schedule to explore Krissy's abilities and figure out how best to exploit them in her mission, and then they got to work. They tested her strength, her running speed, her jumping ability. They worked together on devising fighting strategies to take advantage of her extraordinary abilities. They hung a massive heavy bag in the shop next to the cabin. Krissy learned how to set herself when striking. Soon the heavy bag was swinging wildly from her blows, which seemed to be anchored from the earth itself. No more punches bouncing off the large adversaries she would be facing. Krissy discovered that when she concentrated she could speed up her reflexes and reactions. During sparring sessions she became so good at reading Eddie's movements that it was almost like she could anticipate them. If she wanted to, she could evade any attack he launched.

And they worked on testing her resilience, her ability to withstand attacks. Krissy insisted on it, despite Eddie's objections to subjecting her to pain.

“Please Eddie. I know you don't like this, but you know you aren't injuring me. It's just pain.”

She insisted on a thorough evaluation. The hardest part for him was attacking her most vulnerable areas. Her face was less protected by muscle than most of her body and therefore more sensitive. She learned that if she allowed her head to turn with the blow, its effect was reduced. She also learned that if she stiffened herself to prevent much movement, it was not only more painful for her, it greatly increased the reaction pain to the person delivering the blow.

Her breasts were also more sensitive, as she could not harden them as she could muscle tissue. She learned to guard against attacks to her breasts, blocking and slipping blows with great speed and skill. Most difficult of all, attacks to her crotch. Eddie could barely bring himself to generate the attacks. It didn't help that Krissy couldn't hide the pain crotch attacks brought on. She concentrated on reading the movements of her attacker to prevent blows from landing there.

After weeks of effort, the final day arrived. Eddie's mood was dark. He'd known from the beginning what was coming and he was dreading it. They worked through the day's schedule, putting Krissy through her paces. Finally, only two activities remained. First, Krissy's battle readiness “Final Exam”. Eddie was to attack her for as long as he could, using a baseball bat as a weapon. Her job was to avoid as many of the attacks as she could.

Eddie arrived at their outdoor sparring area, sporting the bat. He was uncharacteristically silent. He looked almost angry.

“Okay Eddie. No holding back. Give me all you've got!”

Eddie nodded and raised the bat as he stepped towards Krissy, who was wearing her Supergirl outfit for the first time since they arrived at the cabin. What followed was a scene that would make a Cirque Du Soleil performance look like kids trying to do somersaults in the yard. Try as he might, minutes of effort failed to land even a single strike on Krissy. She ducked and slipped, jumped and weaved, performing lightning quick contortions that seemed to defy the laws of physics. Finally, nearing exhaustion, Eddie sent the business end of the bat whizzing straight at Krissy's left ear. There appeared to be no way she could possibly avoid this final desperate swing, but at the last possible instant she caught the bat in her right hand without even breaking eye contact with Eddie. She smiled as he released the bat and gasped for air, spent from the exertion.

“Well that went pretty well”, Krissy said, smiling widely. Eddie looked at her for a moment, and then turned and walked towards a table covered with training equipment. As his breathing returned to normal, Eddie began to carefully wrap his hands, boxer style. Krissy noted his odd, detached behaviour. His mood had been worsening ever since they had awoken. She knew why.

“Look Eddie, I know how you feel about...”

He shot her a sharp look and interrupted.

“Just drop it. Let's get this over with.”

She was taken aback by his brusque demeanour. It was not at all like Eddie to speak to her this way. He finished taping his hands and walked up to face her. His face was a blank mask. He held his right palm up at chest level and smacked his taped left fist into it, hard. The loud smack startled Krissy. She looked into his eyes, but somehow he seemed like a stranger to her.

Her mind returned to their first day at the cabin. Eddie was an organizational wizard and they mapped out the entire month right there on the kitchen table, including, at Krissy's absolute insistence, today's final exercise. “Eddie”, she'd said, “I have to explore what the limits of my pain tolerance are. I need to know how much I can take before I lose the ability to function, to defend myself. There's just no way around it. It has to be done. I'll be fine a minute or two after we're finished.” His objections could not dissuade her. It was the last addition to the schedule.

The exercise was as simple as it was brutal. Krissy was to stand, arms at her side, and offer no resistance while Eddie attacked her most vulnerable areas. When she could take no more, she would repeat the safe word, “pineapple.”

“Ready?”, Eddie demanded coldly. His eyes still looked like those of a stranger to her.

“Ready.”, she responded, a faint hint of apprehension in her voice due to Eddie's attitude. She stood with her legs at shoulder width apart and her arms at her sides. Eddie stepped forward. Without any hesitation, he threw a right hook straight into her jaw. Krissy's head snapped to her right, followed by a spray of blonde hair. She turned back to face him, completely unscathed by the punch. The training had done its job. She saw the punch coming, was prepared for it and allowed her head to turn with the punch. It was a powerful blow, but she barely felt it. Eddie threw more lefts and rights into her face, causing her head to spin back and forth. To an observer, he appeared to be beating the hell out the smaller woman, but she took the punches silently and appeared completely unfazed.

Eddie shifted his attack to her proud chest, driving an uppercut into her firm and shapely left breast. Krissy took the blow bravely and without a sound. Her eyes tightened slightly and she rose onto her toes for a second before assuming the rest position again. Several more shots followed, but other than biting the side of her lower lip after the final punch, the fledgling Supergirl betrayed no weakness.

Eddie moved both of his taped hands onto her shoulders and looked into her eyes. She stared back, slightly confused. Without warning, he smashed a headbutt directly into her lightly freckled nose.

“Guhnn”, Krissy exclaimed, her head swivelling straight back. As her head returned to neutral, a slightly pained expression on her face, Eddie drove a knee viciously between her legs.

“Whuhhh!” Her eyes widened in surprise. Bearing down on her shoulders, he repeated the manoeuvre.

“Nohhhh!” she cried. Her knees buckled slightly, just for an instant. A pained expression lingered for a second or two. She shook her head slightly to reaffirm her resolve and resumed her rest position again. Those last blows were painful. And Eddie still has that angry, distant look about him. I'm not sure...

“Ohhhhh!” The young beauty's face contorted in pain as her tormentor kneed her twice more in the crotch. She flexed her knees and held them together as she pushed both palms over the front of her red skirt. She looked up into his impassive face, her own visage betraying her pain and apprehension. Come on Krissy, tough it out. You can't let a little pain sto...

“Unhhhh! Oh my God...” she cried as a hard kneecap assaulted her crotch yet again. She dropped to her knees, gasping. T-that really hurt! I need a second to recover...

Eddie offered no such respite. He grabbed her upper arm with one hand, yanking it up. She raised her head and looked into Eddie's face. He seemed possessed, no longer the trusted friend she had worked with for the past month. A hard, taped fist crashed into her jaw. She stifled a gasp. He yanked again on her arm, pulling her head back up. She stared up at him defiantly. Strands of long blonde hair whisped in front of her eyes. Eddie threw another punch. And another. She tried her best to take the punches silently, but after the first few, involuntary expressions of pain began to escape her lips. Her defiant expression changed to apprehension. The gasps became cries. The apprehension gave way to pain and fear. C-can't take any more! She raised her hand, palm towards Eddie.

“E...enough...” she pleaded. He ignored her, smashing another blow to her still perfect face.

“Ohhhh! Please, no more!” Bamm!

“Ohhhhhh!”

Eddie released her arm. She pitched forward onto all fours. Her hand reached up under the hair that was hanging over her head, hiding her face. Her fingers delicately probed the cheek that took the punches. She moaned softly. Eddie reached down and grabbed a handful of the front of her Supergirl costume and pulled upward. Krissy's head flopped back. Tears filled her eyes. Her lips quavered. Eddie drew back his fist...

“P..pineapple!”

Eddie paused...a long second elapsed...and then the light returned to his eyes.

“Krissy! A..are you okay?”

He dropped to his knees and cradled her upper body in his arms. She lay there for a long moment, quietly sobbing.

“I'm...I'm okay, Eddie” she replied at last, her voice quavering a little.

Eddie reached down and gently held her chin. He lifted her head up to face him. Her cheeks were stained with tears, but her composure was already returning.

“Krissy, listen to me – this is important.” She nodded. His expression became slightly stern. “I love you, and I believe in the mission you've chosen. But if you ever ask me to do anything like this again, I'm out.” She stared into his eyes. She saw the deep pain there, and the resolve to follow through with his ultimatum. She realized fully, for the first time, just how difficult it had been for him to comply with her wishes. With that realization, she glimpsed the loyalty he had displayed. She felt humbled.

“I understand, Eddie. You're a true friend.”

She remained there, huddled in his arms as the sun slowly set across the lake and the warm evening light shimmered on the ripply surface. It felt like something was coming to an end. It felt like the start of something new.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by DrDominator9 »

Marvelously done. Authentic and convincing. Let her story continue.
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

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Thanks Doc!

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by CJS »

Really well done. It had action, while weaving together her powers (and process of learning how to be a heroine) and their relationship. I can't think of another story that has juggled those two things at once. Looking forward to more.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

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Chapter III


The night was darker than most. Cloudy skies obscured the moon and a light fog added to the eerie feeling. The section of town didn't help matters either. Dingy, poorly lit alleys, and streets littered with abandoned storefronts did not attract the cream of society. After sunset this was no place for a woman, particularly a young and beautiful woman, to be wandering around alone. Krissy unconsciously drew the short coat she wore a little more tightly around her shoulders. Even after everything that had happened, at heart she was still a young woman. Being in this environment was frightening on a deep, primal level regardless of her powers, her training, or her mission.

It had been little more than a year since her life had been drastically altered. Only weeks had passed since she returned from a month long retreat to hone her new abilities. So many things had happened in those weeks. A return to carrying out her mission to clean up the city's streets of criminals. Multiple successes in apprehending thieves and rapists. As she reminisced, she recalled that the first few interactions with local police when she turned in offenders had been...interesting. Cops had absolutely no idea how to deal with a gorgeous blonde in a Supergirl suit handing over hardened, wanted criminals. There was no precedent for it. In the end, though, what could they do other than arrest the crooks. The warrants sufficed for charges, so Krissy didn't need to provide statements. Turning over wanted men wasn't illegal, even if it was frowned on by some.

But now, now it was time to settle some scores. She had trained. She had taken to the streets and defeated wanted men. She was ready. The streets and alleys she was roaming tonight...she had avoided them until now. It was Mac Daddy territory. The Irish gang that she fought her first night out. The gang that had nearly...nearly raped her in a dingy alley courtyard. Krissy shuddered at the recollection of that night. It was seared into her memory. She almost abandoned her mission after suffering abuse at their hands. Not tonight! This time she would make them pay. It was time. She spotted the entrance to the alley that led to their home base. The hair on the back of her neck rose and she felt an electric tingle surge through her body as she strode into the alley.





The Mac Daddy courtyard was astir with anticipation. The three new gang pledges had texted. They were bringing in the Superbitch. Ryan, the gang boss, had a bounty on her head. The pledges were certain to become full patch members if they delivered. Several gang members were milling about, beers in hand, discussing the mysterious Supergirl who had been apprehending hoods all over town. They'd all heard the story of her encounter with Ryan, who was still nursing a sore chest from the fractured sternum she had given him. It was no wonder he was obsessed with her.

Heels scuffing on the aging pavement in the alley alerted the men that their pledges had arrived. As advertised, they had the girl. They walked into a yellow pool of light at the entrance to the courtyard. One man on either side of her, each with a strong, two handed grip on an arm. The third man stood in front, just to her side. His right arm extended back behind her head, with a firm grip on her hair. She grimaced as he roughly pulled her head around, apparently just for his amusement. None of the members in the courtyard had seen her before. They'd heard the stories, but to a man they didn't really believe them. Now, confronted with the Supergirl, they remained unconvinced. She was a slip of a girl, maybe 5'8”, maybe 135 lbs. There was no way this bimbo could take on three of them. She was fine, though. Perhaps the most beautiful woman any of them had ever seen. She had supermodel good looks, but none of the coldness that many beautiful women seemed to wear like armour. Her thick head of golden blonde hair had a slight natural wave to it – it bounced a tiny bit when she walked. Her outfit only added to the appeal. Red boots and long, lightly tanned legs, a short red skirt, the tight blue top with the Superman insignia stretched over her shapely breasts, the sultry red cape, it all added up to an incredibly sexy package.

A palpable sense of relief swept through the courtyard. The girl had been caught. She wasn't a threat. The boss would be happy. And something else moved through the group of virile young men as well, like a wave building as it approached the shore. The lust was becoming palpable.

“Girl, you hit the jackpot tonight!”

“Superbabe in the house!”

Suddenly a loud voice boomed from above,

“Knock that shit off.”

Ryan stood on the small landing at the top of a short staircase.

“Bring her closer,” he barked. The pledges hauled her to a few feet from the stairs. The lead man cruelly yanked back on her hair, raising her face towards Ryan and eliciting a slight “uhh” from her lips.

“So it's really you! Nice work, boys. How did you take her down?”

One of the men holding Krissy's arms started to repeat the boss's words quizzically.

“Take her down? But we...”

The lead man flashed him a quick, disapproving glance and spoke,

“We worked together boss, and here she is.”

Ryan failed to notice the brief disagreement. He finally had the Superbitch back in his grasp. Tonight there would be payback.

“Girly, I've been looking forward to this. I'm still not right from the last time...” He brushed the heel of his hand against his chest, “...and tonight, you're gonna pay!”

“Well let's get started, then!” Krissy replied. She grunted a bit and pulled her outstretched arms together with all her considerable strength. The eyes of the pledges holding her arms opened widely in surprise as their bodies were propelled toward each other with terrific force. The third pledge was sandwiched between them. All three heads collided with a sickening thud. They collapsed into a jumbled heap at her feet, out of the fight.

“Those idiots”, bellowed Ryan, “she was playing possum. Don't just stand there you fools. Get her!”

Krissy glanced up at Ryan.

“Don't leave, bossman. I'll be right back!”

She turned back to the courtyard. Four men, all large, were moving towards her. They were out for blood, but they looked confused as well. They didn't understand what they'd just witnessed. They were being cautious. Krissy decided to add to their uncertainty. She leapt into the air and right over the heads of the nearest two men, landing lightly behind them.

“What the fuck...” the first man exclaimed. “...t-that's impossible!” They all stopped in their tracks. Mission accomplished, thought Krissy, now it's go time! Stepping forward with blinding speed, she grabbed the two nearest men by the lapels of their leather jackets. She pulled downwards, fell to her back, planted a red boot into each of their guts and rolled backwards, kicking hard with each leg. The large men flew, in perfect tandem in long arcs, until crashing into the unforgiving brick wall ten feet away. Krissy sprang back to her feet and was moving towards the next nearest gang member before the first two thumped to the cold pavement, unconscious. With a look of shock lingering on his face, the next hood threw a punch at her face. She caught his fist in both of her much smaller hands. She squeezed. The banger's mouth opened wide and emitted an anguished scream of pain. He dropped to his knees in front of her, staring up in fear. A swift knee cracked off his chin, silencing him. She released his hand and he slumped to the ground.

One left. She'd purposely left the largest man for last. She slowly walked up to him and stopped 18 inches away. To his credit the large man didn't flinch. He'd just watched this Supergirl demolish three of his buddies in less than a minute, but he stood his ground and assumed a fighting stance. Krissy put her hands on her hips and stared up at him, waiting. He did not hesitate, throwing a powerful right hook at her face. The impact spun her head to the right, followed by a swish of blonde hair. She slowly turned her head back to him, finishing with a slight flick to settle the hair off of her face. A small smile creased her lips. Learning to roll with a punch has made such a difference, especially with my quicker reflexes, she thought, I barely felt that.

The massive thug stood like a statue in front of her. He just couldn't accept that this thin woman had laughed off his best punch like it was nothing. Recovering his senses, he shot a jab at her nose. She bobbed her head to the left, his bruising fist striking only some stray blonde locks. He launched a haymaker at the side of her head, which she easily ducked under. He aimed a kick between her legs. She intercepted his rising ankle with the arch of her red boot. It propelled her up and back several inches, but had a more serious effect on her foe, who howled in pain. She stepped forward quickly, grabbed his jacket and belt in either hand, dipped down and then pressed his entire body over her head.

“Hey, what the hell...” he blurted out, again in disbelief about his situation. With a grunt of effort, she launched the big man into the air. Gravity soon had its inexorable way with him, and all 250 pounds came crashing back to earth, head first. A couple of low moans rattled from his bleeding mouth, and then silence.

Krissy looked up to the platform where Ryan stood, watching the performance. She expected to see fear and anger. His wry smile surprised her. No matter, she thought, and in her most confident voice, she addressed the gang leader.

“Well Ryan, the Mac Daddies are finished. You will be coming with me now. There are three warrants waiting for you down at Police HQ.”

“Is that so”, he replied, his smile widening. “Before we go, let me introduce you to my new...co-worker.” The door behind Ryan opened slowly. Into the light stepped the most fearsome man Krissy had ever laid eyes on. He was very large, at least 6'3” and 240 pounds. His bare arms rippled with enormous muscles. The man's neck was as wide as his massive head, and his dark beady eyes were staring intently at her. His arms and shaved skull were littered with violent tattoos. Under his slim hips, more massive muscles bulged beneath his pants. Krissy shuddered at the sight of him.

“This is Johnny, but you might know him by his other name – The Killer!”

Good Lord, Krissy though, it's that maniac that got banned from MMA fighting two or three years ago. Steroid use and unnecessary violence, she recalled. He's ended the careers of several heavyweight fighters, and one of them died in the ring! She faltered. This hadn't been part of the plan. Without realizing it, she backed up several steps.

“Scared, Superbitch?” Ryan goaded, “Before this night is over, you're going to regret ever crossing the Mac Daddies.”

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Really well done. It had action, while weaving together her powers (and process of learning how to be a heroine) and their relationship. I can't think of another story that has juggled those two things at once. Looking forward to more.
That's very kind of you to say. Thanks! I'm looking forward to your next installment as well!

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

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Oooooh, this is getting good. Great action, and leaving us hanging.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Chapter IV

Krissy slowly backed away from the staircase. Before her, descending the steps, was one of the most dangerous fighters in the world. How is this possible? How did this street gang manage to hire The Killer? Ryan noted her confusion.

“Johnny here is my brother in law. I called him after our first...date! He's been looking forward to meeting you.”

She flashed Ryan a disapproving glance. A shudder ran down her spine as she recalled her near rape at his hands during their first meeting. Should she run? Her eyes flashed to the courtyard exit into the alley. She could make it easily. No. I'm too close to shutting this gang down. I have the strength of ten men and off the charts reaction times. I can't be injured. I'll take this Johnny character down.

The Killer was shaking out as he slowly herded Krissy towards the center of the courtyard. He rolled his grotesquely thick neck, did slow shoulder circles, flicked his arms and legs in long practised motions to prepare for battle. Krissy recalled the stories she'd heard. Rampant steroid abuse. Multiple suspensions and ultimately a lifetime ban from organized combat sports for excessive violence. Domestic abuse. Rumours of underground money fights. A string of deaths. Warrants for his arrest. This was a very dangerous man. She had to be careful. She had to be strong. She had to win.

The Killer spoke:

“Well aren't you a pretty little thing. And I haven't hit a woman in over a month.”

Without warning he aimed a snapping kick at her head. She ducked under the kick and took a step back.

“You still haven't!” she replied, circling to her left to stay near the center of the space. She tried to sound nonchalant, but the kick had been fast and hard. She couldn't let her guard down, even for a second. Johnny jabbed at her face. She blocked the punch and drilled one of her own into his abs. The huge man grunted and was knocked back a foot. His hand dropped to the spot her small fist had impacted his ripped abdomen. A hint of respect registered on his unpleasant face.

“Nice punch.”

Around the perimeter of the courtyard, the other gang members were stirring. A few moans and some head shaking, and then awareness began to return. One by one they became riveted by the struggle unfolding before them. The beautiful young heroine, dwarfed by her enormous foe, was holding her own. Johnny fired a punch at Krissy's gut. She saw it coming and tightened her ab muscles. The large fist impacted with a thud, lifting her several inches off the ground. Her matchless strength prevented her from feeling much pain, but the blow was a powerful one and it partially doubled her over. Her inexperience with fighting greatly skilled opponents left her ill-prepared for the second punch in the combination, a vicious uppercut aimed straight at her down-turned face. In the last possible instant her remarkable reflexes allowed her to partially move with the punch, but it connected with force nonetheless.

“Unhhh.”

Her head snapped up and back. She retreated two steps, then just managed to sidestep the front kick that followed. She was unhurt, but had felt the power of The Killer.

“Nice punch.” she said flatly. It was shaping up to be a brutal battle. They continued to circle, until Johnny was standing a few feet from a wall. Krissy took two lightning quick steps towards his right and leapt at the wall. With the momentum she'd generated she ran across the wall behind him as he turned. She reached out and cupped a hand over each of his misshapen cauliflower ears as she moved over and past him, digging her fingertips in just below his jaw. As her feet regained the ground, she and Johnny were now back to back with Krissy's arms extending back over her head, still gripping his skull. With her momentum and great strength, she pulled forward and down – literally throwing The Killer over her body by his head. It was a jaw dropping display of her unique abilities. The finest gymnast or acrobat could note hope to match her strength and athleticism. Johnny flew threw the air, turning almost a complete 360 degrees. A lesser man could have been seriously injured by the manoeuvre, but Johnny had spent nearly two decades in fight training and had powerful neck muscles. In a remarkable display of his own athletic skill, he landed on the balls of his feet and his palms, skidding to a stop on all fours. His face contorted into a savage scowl as he rose up to his full height.

The Mac Daddies were pulling themselves up against the walls of the courtyard to better witness the fight. The men were in a state of shock. They'd just witnessed physical feats that seemed impossible. They became aware that both combatants were far out of their league. The fight raged on, minute after minute. At first the beauty and the beast seemed evenly matched, but slowly the heroine was wearing down her enormous adversary. His steroid fuelled mass of bulging muscle was tiring, and Krissy's speed, power and unorthodox fighting style was delivering more punishment than he could manage to dish out. He began to breathe heavily. His blows came less frequently. He was losing.

Krissy observed his difficulty. It won't be long now. A couple well placed shots to his jaw and the fight will be over. She stood in front of him, left leg forward in a fighting stance, watching for an opening. Why is he looking down at my...The young beauty glanced down. Her left thigh was protruding from the slit in her skirt, exposing it to only a few inches from her beltline. Ughh, do all these guys have to be so pervy? The distraction lasted less than a second. It was all the time Johnny needed. He leapt into the air, turning as he went.

KER-SMACK!

“Ughhhh!”

A spinning heel kick, The Killer's signature move. He had practised the manoeuvre thousands of times. His flawless technique and enormous power, matched with pinpoint accuracy, had decimated the heavyweight MMA ranks. The kick had ended the careers of several champion fighters. One had died in the ring. Against a 135 pound woman, even a superwoman, the blow was devastating. Krissy's head spun to the side with shocking violence. She ended up facing the opposite direction, staring blankly at two of the gang bangers seated against the far wall.

“Wha...” she blurted out, a confused expression on her pretty face as her hand fluttered up towards her cheek. Without warning her knees buckled and she collapsed in a heap atop her folded legs. A soft moan escaped her lips and her upper body listed a bit. She fell to her side, her shoulder then head impacting the dirty pavement. Her hair whipped out to full length, covering the black asphalt.

In the space of a second the arc of the fight had been drastically altered. Krissy was now in serious trouble. The Killer walked slowly around her prostrate form, stopping directly in front of her. She was trying to raise her head.

“H..how did you...” she wondered aloud, still unable to piece together what had happened. He reached down with his left hand and gathered the ends of long blonde hair that were spread across the blacktop. He closed his enormous, scarred fist around the bundle of hair and slowly lifted the Supergirl's upper body off the ground until she was hanging in front of him, eliciting a moan of pain. Her arms were limp at her sides, her knees lightly touching the pavement. She looked up helplessly as confusion slowly gave way to understanding. T..this is bad. I'm still too stunned to, 'unhhhh' defend m..myself. What is he going to...

A stinging backhanded slap snapped her head sideways.

“Ohh.”

Pow! The Killer slapped her opposite cheek with his open hand.

“Ohhh.”

Smack!

“Nuhhhh.”

SMACK!

“Ohhhhhh!”

To the recovering men in the courtyard, the sight before them now seemed inevitable. The hulking professional fighter was laying a terrible beating on the foolish young woman who had dared to challenge them. He was twice her size and a cruel and vicious man. Though freakishly strong, the beautiful woman could be no match for him. Now, firmly in his grip, her cries of pain echoing in the courtyard in time with his metronomic assault, their world was starting to make sense again.

Krissy tried not to panic. Her brutish opponent was callously manhandling her, but despite his blows she was recovering. Her cheeks burned hot, but whether from the beating she was taking, or the shame of being bitch-slapped while held by the hair in front of the Mac Daddies she could not tell. Still, she sensed that Johnny thought she was through. That might give her a way to regain the upper hand. She just needed to recover a little more strength, and then...

Johnny suddenly slid his right hand under Krissy's legs at the knee. He lifted her limp body into the air and quickly released his hold on her hair, shifting his arm to under her back below her shoulders. He cradled her in his huge tatted arms for a moment. She looked up at his face, confused. Without warning he lifted her higher, up to the level of his head, only to drop to one knee and extend the other in front of him. The small of the young beauty's spine crashed onto his outstretched leg in a titanic back-breaker.

“Ughhhhh!” she cried as her back bent unnaturally. Her head flopped down, causing her hair to whip back under his leg before swinging back and hanging straight down from her dangling head, the ends brushing the ground. It was a stunning blow. The Supergirl was again momentarily incapacitated. Giving her no time to recover, Johnny stood up. He again paused and held her at chest height. She looked into his cruel, dark eyes. She felt like a feather in his powerful arms. He was toying with her. Her own eyes betrayed her fear. She shook her head slightly, silently begging him no to repeat the move. He only grinned evilly and lifted her up again, only to slam her onto his knee a second time.

“Arrghhh!”

Her anguished cry echoed loudly. Her back felt broken. She gasped, trying to get some air back in her lungs. The courtyard had fallen silent, except for her cries of pain. The men were transfixed. Krissy's helplessness at the hands of the monstrous Killer was almost hypnotic. How much more could the sexy heroine possibly endure?

The Killer stood again, pausing as before. Krissy's eyes were filled with tears. She looked again into his smirking face.

“Please, no. N..not again!”, she pleaded.

He lifted her high for the third time before dropping her onto her tortured spine again.

“Aiyyiiii!” she screamed. Several of the hardened gang thugs grimaced in sympathy at the sound of Krissy's rending scream of agony. She lay stretched across his knee. Both arms hung down at her sides, her knuckles lightly brushing the rough pavement. Her head hung down, stretched to her neck's limit, her long hair piled slightly on the ground. The slit in her red skirt fell away towards the ground, displaying the darker red lining. Her creamy, light brown left leg was fully displayed to the mostly recovered men. Her breasts were forced upward by her arched back. They heaved up and down as the helpless heroine gasped for breath.

“Had enough yet, Superchick?”

His words stung to the core. She felt small and helpless before his giant frame.

'Ohhhh.' M..my back! I...I have to get free. This brute is.....he's destroying me!

Krissy was shocked at how the MMA fighter had bettered her. She was nigh unto invincible. Her very DNA had been modified to make her impervious to damage, very strong, unnaturally pain resistant. The Benefactor, the man behind the heroine project, had painted a different picture. He foresaw enhanced individuals like herself being a powerful force for good in the world. She hadn't expected being brutalized by a monster like The Killer, surrounded by gang bangers waiting to molest her when she was subdued.

No, she affirmed. She hadn't gone through all the screening, the testing, the viral injections to alter her genome just to be overcome by a washed up druggie of a fighter. She had to prevail. She had been stretched out over Johnny's leg for 30 seconds now. Already she could feel her strength returning. She raised her head. He was staring down at her with satisfaction. She contracted her abdominal muscles and started to raise her upper body. The Killer reacted swiftly and without mercy. He placed a forearm against her chest just below her throat, the other onto her thighs, and he pushed down with great force. Krissy grunted and increased her efforts. She gained an inch. Then another. She was getting close to horizontal when Johnny growled and leaned in with all his strength. For a while they were stalemated. The gang watched the epic struggle with rapt attention. Krissy strained to her limit. Her body shook with effort. Must escape. Can't l..let him beat me. Ever so slowly, the valiant girl began to lose ground. She tried to gain it back, gritting her teeth and groaning with effort, but her foe would not be denied. With a final moan she sank back into a helpless full arch across his knee. He's strong, but he also has all the leverage plus most of his body weight helping him. I must try harder! She forced her upper body up again, but The Killer would have none of it. He slammed his forearm back onto her upper chest and mercilessly overcame her feeble second effort.

Krissy stared out through half closed eyes at an inverted world. She saw two gang members struggle to their feet and limp towards her. The situation seemed hopeless. At the mercy of the savage man who had bested her, and prey to the ravenous young thugs who were closing in. She gasped in despair. Johnny reached down. He again entwined his fingers into her wavy blonde mane and cruelly yanked her head up to face him.

“Unhhhh!”

“Do? You? Give? Up?” he demanded.

She blinked back tears. Her face betrayed her hopelessness.

“I......I......”

“Too late!” he laughed, releasing his grip. Her head fell back. A quiet sob lightly shook her trim frame. Suddenly she felt a hand settle onto her stretched abdomen. Then another hand began caressing her right thigh. A third hand slid up the inside of her left thigh and under her skirt.

“No!” she whispered with a soft, exhausted voice. “No, please...don't do this!”

Two more hands joined in. Her body had become a plaything for these cheap hoods. Her head shook slowly, causing her hair to sway to and fro.

“Please stop!”

She sensed a presence to her left. Suddenly hands descended onto both of her breasts. She glanced up and saw Ryan, the boss, sneering down at her. He cruelly gripped both breasts as hard as he could, squeezing his fingertips as deeply as possible.

“Ayyyiiii!”

Krissy screamed for the second time. The pain caused her to flop around in a fruitless attempt to escape his grip. Her left hand made contact with a shoe. Ryan's shoe. With a burst of newfound energy she reached upwards, quickly locating the evil man's package. She squeezed back. She had the strength of ten men.

“Yeaghhhh!!”

It was Ryan's turn to scream. He launched himself backwards, anything to get away from her. The other members rushed to his aid, but he was curled in a ball and retching violently by the time they reached him.

Krissy was suddenly feeling better. Her head had cleared and strength was returning to her body. Thinking her finished, Johnny had loosened his grip on her. She looped her left leg up and hooked him around the throat. She forced him down into a punishing head scissor while also grabbing his left wrist with both hands as his leg collapsed under him. She pulled his arm out straight across her body in a solid joint lock. Johnny used all his steroid juiced power to bend his arm up, but Krissy was stronger, forcing his elbow to the breaking point. The Killer tried to scream, but he only managed a gargling sound thanks to the tight headscissor. In just a few seconds he was unconscious.

Krissy slowly rose to her feet. The gang were huddled around Ryan. She spoke up in a commanding voice.

“The Mac Daddies are disbanded as of this moment. I'm taking Ryan to the cops. Any objections?”

The courtyard was silent. One man began to rise, but Krissy took a step towards him and he lost his nerve. She ordered the three pledges to pick up The Killer and follow her. They did not object. She pulled Ryan, who was now barely conscious, up and over her shoulder. She struck out down the alley towards the street. She did not look back.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by DrDominator9 »

Excellent fight scene. Nice ebb and flow between Krissy and Killer.
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Your fight scene reminded me of Steven Bell's style; that feeling of the heroine being totally defeated and then she summons an inner strength you don't think is possible. Then there's an opening and a reversal and the heroine is triumphant.
Nice job. It's odd though that I don't feel as if this woman should be called Supergirl. I know you wanted to make her seem more possible in a more realistic universe. Now I'm thinking however that you should have gone for your own original character name. But that's just me.
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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Yeah, I waffled on that for a long time. In the end, my love for the Supergirl character won out. I can certainly understand your feeling on it. I'm being careful to refer to Krissy as "A Supergirl", not "Supergirl" to try to differentiate between my character and the traditional DC Heroine.

And yes, I am absolutely inspired by Mr. Bell! My stuff will be a bit more mild. I'm not too sure how close I'm already flirting with the limits of the main story section, and I'd prefer to keep my stuff here rather than The Dungeon.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by CJS »

That was fantastic, from both the way you write combat, and the emotional investment I felt with the character. I found myself cheering her on. I can't wait for more.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Thanks, CJS. It means a lot coming from someone who writes as well as you.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Here's the last part of story number two. The next one might be a little longer in coming. Real life and all that.



Epilogue

“...and then I delivered them to the cops!”

Eddie shook his head in despair.

“But a few minutes before, you were at their mercy.”

“Well, yeah, but I ended up beating them all! The mission is going well!”

“Krissy, you're taking too many chances. What were you thinking taking on the whole gang by yourself?”

“Eddie, you worry too much. I took out the gang AND The Killer. You should have seen their faces!”

“Well, will you at least start carrying the device I got for you?”

“What device?”

“For God's sake, we talked about this. The miniature SPOT device. It's a tiny transmitter that sends a cell signal with a distress call and GPS coordinates directly to me if you need help. You said you'd think about it.”

“Oh, yeah. Right. I remember. Sure Eddie, I'll think about it. But you should have seen their faces...”

Eddie listened as Krissy regaled him with the story of her conquest. Her success was a victory, that was certain. Her growing confidence left him uneasy. What was the harm in carrying a tiny insurance policy in case of the unexpected?

“Yes, you won the day. I'm really proud of you. Now please consider the device...”

“Let's discuss it tomorrow, Eddie. I'm pooped. G'night.|”

“Sure Krissy, we'll talk tomorrow.”


It was late. One thirty A.M. The full moon shone down on the normally darkened alleys of the city. Krissy stood outside a doorway, waiting. She stood on her right foot with her back leaning against the wall beside the door. Her left foot was pressed against the wall below her butt, and her arms were crossed in front of her chest. A cascade of long blonde hair framed her pretty face and covered her shoulders and the upper portion of her chest. The pose caused her left thigh to fully part the slit in her red skirt. She looked slightly bored, supremely confident and sexy as hell. Soon, a familiar figure exited the door.

“Hi Sean.”

She expected the man to be startled by her presence.

“Been expecting you, Superchick.”

Though annoyed at his nonchalance, she continued.

“I missed you at the Mac Daddy...event.”

“I parted ways with them weeks ago. Ryan was obsessed with his little vendetta against you. Vendettas are bad for business – no money in them.”

Sean casually slid his hands into the pockets of his black leather jacket. He stood three feet in front of her. He seemed relaxed. Unafraid.

“Ryan's in jail now. Johnny 'The Killer' too. The gang has disbanded.”

“So I hear. Do you intend to take me in as well?”

“That's not why I'm here. Surprisingly, there are no warrants out for your arrest.”

A hint of a grin creased Sean's mouth as he shrugged a bit.

“Must be all my clean living. So what can I do for you?”

Krissy pushed off the wall and stepped closer to the man. He stood a good six inches taller than her 5'8”. He had a slim, athletic build with wide shoulders. His clothing hid his physique, but he moved with an uncommon grace. His manner was confident. He wasn't cocky, but he had the air of someone not to be messed with. His eyes betrayed a certain...malice. He had participated in her attempted rape by Ryan during Krissy's first outing as a heroine. He had beaten her that night in a one on one fight. She'd been saved only by the arrival of the police.

“I've cleaned up the Mac Daddies. You're a loose end, Sean. I'm here to remind you to keep your nose clean.”

“And if I don't?”

“A lot has changed since our last encounter. Don't test me Sean.”

Sean took a step back. His demeanour shifted, from civil to menacing.

“I'm an enforcer for hire. Can't have it getting out that I'm afraid of the city's Superchick, can I? Bad for business.”

He slipped his hands from the pockets of his jacket. Both were now adorned with his trademark brass knuckles.

“Sean, the other night I took out an entire gang and beat The Killer. You have no chance.”

“Talk is cheap, Superbitch. Let's dance.”

Krissy sighed and raised her hands into a fighting stance. She had hoped Sean would listen to reason, but if she had to she would put him down. Without warrants there wasn't much point taking him in, but if she roughed him up he might think twice about his criminal ways. If she was being honest with herself, she also wouldn't mind a little payback for their first encounter. With her training and recent experience, Sean wouldn't present too much challenge. She didn't intend to do any lasting damage, but he needed to be taken down a peg or two.

The young heroine jabbed at Sean's face. He blocked the punch and countered with a jab of his own, catching her off guard.

“Unhh.”

Her head snapped back a few inches. 'Oww.' I forgot those brass knuckles hurt so much. Her brow furrowed a bit as she touched her fingers to her mouth. No matter. One or two punches from me will end this.

She circled to her right and looped a right hand at the side of his head. The enforcer ducked under the blow and loosed a left-right combination into her abdomen.

“Guhn.” she exclaimed, stepping back. He eyed her carefully. The invulnerable heroine brushed the backs of her fingers off her tummy dismissively.

“You can't hurt me, Sean. Why not give up?”

“Maybe not just yet.” he replied with a derisive smirk.

The big man went on the offensive. He feinted with a left jab and launched a powerful right uppercut. Krissy's peerless reflexes allowed her to dodge her head to the side and avoid the rising fist, but the punch connected with the underside of her left breast as it whizzed towards her head.

“Ohhhhhh!” she exclaimed, her left palm cradling her breast. Her brow furrowed more as she shot a pained, violated glance at her foe.

“Thought I couldn't hurt you, 'Sooopergirl.'” Sean mocked.

This isn't going well. This creep needs to suffer at my hands. She mule-kicked at Sean's midsection, landing a solid blow. Sean exhaled sharply and was thrown backward four feet, stopping just before impacting the alley wall behind him. He gulped in some air as she advanced. She attempted the same kick again, intent on slamming him into the wall and ending the fight. Sean was expecting it and sidestepped quickly. Hitting only air, the young beauty lurched forward awkwardly. In one smooth motion the man swung his hand up behind her head, grabbed a handful of her silky locks and viciously slammed her face into the rough bricks of the wall.

“Nughhh!” she cried. Giving her no time to recover he cruelly pulled back on her hair until her face was pointing up into the night sky. Using all his weight and strength, he smashed her face into the wall again.

“Nnooohhh!” she cried. 'Ohhhhh.' C..can't take much more of thi...

CRUNCH! He drove her face into the unyielding wall a third time.

“Unhhhhhhh!”

The pain was overwhelming. Such vicious blows could easily have killed a regular person. Krissy saw stars. In desperation, she blindly drove her elbow back towards Sean, striking him powerfully in the solar plexus. A hard strike to such a nerve bundle would incapacitate the toughest warrior. The large man sank to his knees, gripping his abdomen and silently gasping for breath. Krissy put one hand against the wall and caressed her face with the other, moaning softly. That really hurt. C..can't understand why this thug is giving me so much trouble.

The pain subsiding, she glanced down at the dangerous enforcer. He was still clutching below his ribs and struggling to breathe. She reached down and gripped the front of his jacket. She pulled him up to face her. The perfect lines of her face were bracketed by the hair hanging down on either side as he looked up at her. She drew back her fist. He was at her mercy. They both knew she could kill or maim him at will now.

“Okay, Sean. I think I've made my point here. I'm going to let you go, but don't forget this moment. I don't want to hear your name mentioned around criminal activity here again. Got it?”

The man's face revealed no fear.

“You're talking like this fight is over.” he finally said.

“Wha...Yeeaghhhh!”

Her scream reverberated up and down the narrow alley. She fell to his side, twitching uncontrollably. Sean brandished the taser in his hand.

“Unhhh.” she moaned, but then kicked out, knocking the taser from his hand. It skittered down the pavement and under a garbage bin.

“Damn. Never seen anyone recover so fast from a 40,000 volt shock. You're one tough Superchick”

“D...don't you forget it.” she blustered. 'Ohhhh.' I...I need a few seconds to clear my head.

Sean had no intention of giving her time to recover. Pulling her to her feet by the red “S” of her uniform, the mercenary shifted his grip to her wrist and pinned it against the wall above her head. The scene was charged. The beautiful superheroine was dazed and hanging by one arm, her back pressed against a brick wall, the toes of her boots barely scraping the rough pavement of the alley. Pinning her in place was a much larger, notoriously vicious street enforcer wearing a dangerous pair of outlawed brass knuckles. The young heroine was momentarily helpless and at his mercy. The thug was ill-inclined to show any.

“Let's work with what we know, shall we.” he intoned sarcastically.

“Huh?” Krissy responded, recovering from the tasering.

The brute flashed a nasty grin and did what the beautiful Supergirl considered unthinkable, pounding a brutal uppercut directly into her pert and supple left breast.

“Noohhhh!” she cried.

The sadistic thug struck again with a straight punch directly into the same breast, the brass knuckles cruelly smashing the soft flesh into her invulnerable rib cage.

“Ohhhhhh!”

A third punch, this time the uppercut, thudded into her aching breast.

“OHHHHHH!” she cried out in agony. Oh my God! I...I have to stop him. C...can't take any more. Only chance is to k...knock him back. She raised her free hand to send a palm strike into his injured solar plexus. A second blow there would take him down for good.

Sean was faster, driving a powerful knee strike directly into her unprotected crotch. As it had with his shots to her breast, the wall behind the brave heroine prevented her body from moving back, adding force to the blow.

“Aaaahhhh!” she screamed. Thoughts of striking back vanished in a fog of agony. If...if only I'd listened to Eddie and brought the SPOT device!

“N..n..no more! I...I can't take anymore!”

Sean ignored her desperate plea. He returned to her throbbing breast, unleashing two more straight punches.

“OHHHHHHH!”

“ANHHHHHH! P..please s..top! Please!” she begged.

The brutal hood released her wrist. Krissy collapsed in a heap at his feet. Both of her hands covered her chest. “Ohh...Ohh...” she moaned helplessly. Not finished, he sent a series of kicks into her helpless form. She held one arm across her chest and extended the other, palm forward, towards her relentless tormentor. Her eyes were pouring with tears. She sobbed uncontrollably between cries of pain as the kicks impacted her prostrate body.

“P...please...please stop. Sean, please!” she beseeched him. “I....I give up! Please, Sean!

The vicious man stopped the terrible beating. The formerly confident young Supergirl lay utterly destroyed at his feet. Her suit was torn and soiled, her face was dirty and stained with tears. She sobbed quietly, still cradling her aching breast. He reached down with his left hand. Grabbing her dishevelled blonde mane he roughly jerked her head up towards his face. She blinked back tears, her face a mask of fear and pain.

“Stay out of my business, Superbitch. Next time I might not be so nice.” He fairly spit the words at her. She wept quietly in his grasp. After a long stare, he released his grip, allowing her head to fall. Krissy curled up on the alley floor, still weeping. Where moments before had stood a powerful superheroine, now lay a terrified young woman, beaten and completely humbled by a street thug. Sean returned his hands to his pockets and slowly walked away.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by DrDominator9 »

Once again, our girl is taken out by a mixture of unfair fight tactics and overconfidence. Even Supergirl in the tv show has a backup team with an audio communications link. Immediate voice contact like that might be too unrealistic for your "universe" here but hopefully Krissy finally gets the message.

Also, she needs to be much more on guard with everybody from now on, especially bad guys. She's a rookie heroine but you did indicate she got some training. She might have to go back for some serious retraining. That would be a good way into her background, by the way.

Nevertheless, the writing is solid. You need to expand the universe a bit now though. Many fights well described, now let's see some nice plot arcs developed. I'm not even sure she's ready for a step up to a higher order of villain though until she can better handle herself. Whenever you can get the time in your busy schedule to put together another chapter, be assured you'll have people eager and ready to read the result.
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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Part of the appeal, at least to me, of a heroine with Krissy's power level and weaknesses is that she can mop the floor with numerous opponents at once if things go well, but one or two "normal" foes with the right knowledge, abilities and ruthlessness (and maybe some luck) can still defeat her. It makes her more heroic if she enters the fray knowing that victory isn't a certainty. The first two stories introduce her and establish her abilities and limitations. With that out of the way, upcoming adventures will branch out into different, more complex areas. The back alleys of her city have done their job for now. Plus she may not feel overly inclined to return there!

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Damselbinder »

Just read through this whole thread, and there's definitely some potential here. The description of the combat is intense, and nicely detailed. It's very easy to imagine what's going on, which is very helpful. Also, the description of Krissy's mental state was quite convincing. I do, however, have some things I'd criticise.
- I think going forward Krissy needs to be a bit more fleshed out as a character. Superheroing seems to be her entire life, which takes back tension away from the possibility of her giving it up. She's just Supergirl.
- The fights come across as quite similar. It's a similar pattern of events, and it's described quite similarly in each case.
- I think Eddie is somewhat misused. He says at one point that he believes in Krissy's mission, but he spends most of his time criticising her and expressing doubts about her ability to be a superhero. This early in the story, that makes it more difficult than it needs to be to root for Krissy. The scene where he fought her came across less like a training session, and more like another scene of her being overpowered by a man.

As I say, there is potential - but I feel like we need a reason to buy into Krissy as a HERO, and we don't quite have that yet.
A full list of my stories can be found here, with summaries to boot: viewtopic.php?f=70&t=32027

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DrDominator9
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by DrDominator9 »

I think Damselbinder's comments above are very constructive and you should take them in the spirit that they are delivered, as a writer who enjoys your work, sees good potential and is offering helpful ideas on how to improve your stories.
Follow this link to descriptions of my stories and easy links to them:

viewtopic.php?f=70&t=32025&p=163444#p163444

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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

I think Damselbinder's comments above are very constructive and you should take them in the spirit that they are delivered, as a writer who enjoys your work, sees good potential and is offering helpful ideas on how to improve your stories.
Grin! It's okay Doc, I genuinely appreciate constructive criticism. How else do you get better at this? My biggest fear when I decided to write and publish these stories was that I wouldn't get any reaction. It has been a pleasure to receive feedback from yourself and others. It makes putting the time into writing feel worthwhile. I can't speak for others but this stuff doesn't come rolling out of my fingertips with the greatest of ease. There are many hours of work in the first two stories I've posted. I doubt I'd continue if no one responded. I will read over the suggestions carefully and do my best to heed at least some of them. Thanks for the input!

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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Just read through this whole thread, and there's definitely some potential here. The description of the combat is intense, and nicely detailed. It's very easy to imagine what's going on, which is very helpful. Also, the description of Krissy's mental state was quite convincing. I do, however, have some things I'd criticise.
- I think going forward Krissy needs to be a bit more fleshed out as a character. Superheroing seems to be her entire life, which takes back tension away from the possibility of her giving it up. She's just Supergirl.
- The fights come across as quite similar. It's a similar pattern of events, and it's described quite similarly in each case.
- I think Eddie is somewhat misused. He says at one point that he believes in Krissy's mission, but he spends most of his time criticising her and expressing doubts about her ability to be a superhero. This early in the story, that makes it more difficult than it needs to be to root for Krissy. The scene where he fought her came across less like a training session, and more like another scene of her being overpowered by a man.

As I say, there is potential - but I feel like we need a reason to buy into Krissy as a HERO, and we don't quite have that yet.
Thank you Db, for taking the time to read and then comment in such a detailed way. I admit that so far the storytelling has been secondary to the fight action, which is the aspect that I enjoy the most. As a HIP fan writing on a HIP site, my first efforts have mostly focused on, surprise surprise, the heroine in peril. Thanks to input from you and Doc, I will challenge myself to create more complete stories going forward. I may not incorporate all of the suggestions I've received, but I mostly agree with your take. I'll aim a little higher next time. Thanks again for the thoughtful post.

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Damselbinder
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Damselbinder »

Thank you Db, for taking the time to read and then comment in such a detailed way. I admit that so far the storytelling has been secondary to the fight action, which is the aspect that I enjoy the most. As a HIP fan writing on a HIP site, my first efforts have mostly focused on, surprise surprise, the heroine in peril. Thanks to input from you and Doc, I will challenge myself to create more complete stories going forward. I may not incorporate all of the suggestions I've received, but I mostly agree with your take. I'll aim a little higher next time. Thanks again for the thoughtful post.
I appreciate you responding so evenhandedly. However, I think the reason I had a few criticisms is because though you said your focus was on the peril, I can tell that there's more than that here. If it were just a pulpy vignette about Supergirl being defeated, I would never have gone into such detail. But there's more going on: some genuine storytelling and characterisation. There's potential for real quality here.
A full list of my stories can be found here, with summaries to boot: viewtopic.php?f=70&t=32027

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by CJS »

Finally able to get back in here, and was thrilled to read this. Very strong action again, while making us really care for the character. I'm looking forward to the next installment, and learning more about her.

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Bert
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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by Bert »

Thank you, CJS. Plotting the next story now. I'm inspired by you and others to craft a more complete tale with more character development and complexity. Hopefully I'm up to the challenge.

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Re: A Supergirl - Humbled

Post by CJS »

Hopefully I'm up to the challenge.
Ha, I seriously doubt that will be a problem for you. I think your first two stories gave enough of a taste of the underpinning of the character and your ability to weave things together that you definitely have it all there (it wouldn’t have interested me as much as it did otherwise).

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