Great job, McGheeny! The premise of the corrupt and sexed-up cops being in league with the criminal, leaving the heroine imperiled on all sides, is an intriguing one.
1) Unless there is a specific explanation for it (like to show time passing by very slowly), in a normal comic with action (whether physical or sexual) you don't want so many of the panels to look so similar to each other. It's better to have much more variation in the positions of the characters and the scenes so that the story feels like it's moving along at a decent clip.
Most of the panels in your stories have only one word balloon or one person saying one statement at a time. I'm not saying you should pack your panels with too much dialogue, but you can definitely have two to three lines in the same panel, whether spoken by the same person or different characters. This would reduce the number of your pages considerably (probably almost 50%) and you would have a much tighter narrative.
Anyone can feel free to disagree with me politely as they like, but if you look at most superhero comic books (albeit maybe not the ones with too many characters standing around in hallways talking about their feelings and their favorite foods), you will see that the action is almost constantly moving forward, unless there's a really solid reason not to.
2) Another thing you might want to pay attention to is to clearly denote which panels are flashbacks. You could get fancy and give the flashback panels a different border (like in a cloud or a dreamlike memory), or it could just be something as simple as a caption that says, "Several hours earlier, across the city in a rundown apartment.." (which is a flashback caption I'm using in H-Burgh Issue #2).
3) One final thought: the Knight in her heroine form has the exact same thin body as she does in her secret identity, and she also doesn't wear a mask. Wouldn't the police department be able to easily identify who she is, especially if they have cameras in the police station and the interrogation room?
Last edited by shevek 2 months ago
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