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American PI

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Stacey was the CFO of the Bank where she worked… she is a math wiz and has always been fascinated by numbers… She is now also fascinated with solving crimes…

About a year earlier she had been working late when a power surge hit her building… While using her ten key calculator she was shocked by the surge… After realizing the surge gave her superpowers, Stacey became “AMERICAN PI” armed with her trusty ten key she was the defender of her fair city…

After a long day at the office, Stacey came home and took a seat on the couch… She opened a bottle of wine and turned on the tele… Staring her in the face was real estate mogul Stephanie Simonton…

“Uggh her again…” said Stacey… She was holding a press conference as she had done many times before… Simonton has been under fire for what city officials say is greasing the banks to rollercoaster the interest rates for home loans… Start them low, get people in and then shoot them through the roof so then they are not able to make their mortgages any longer… Simonton’s company then moves in on the foreclosed homes… Some officials are accusing her of trying to buy up all the land in the city… To in fact literally buy the city…

“What I am doing is no different than any other real estate mogul… That is all I have to say…”and with that the conference ended…

“There is something about her that is fishy…”said a smug Stacey as she sipped her wine… See Stacey has been doing a lot of research on Miss Simonton… Trying to figure out what her plan is… Stacey knows that her cash is almost dried up yet she keeps buying more land… She knows the other banks in town are in cahoots with her but she cannot prove how “I am going to find out what she has up her sleeve”…

And with that Stacey started to drift off… She thought to herself, “Where has Prime been? Things have been awfully quiet around this town lately…”

Prime was Stacey’s arch enemy… Almost as genius as Stacey when it came to numbers, but far more ruthless… Prime’s goal was to gobble up every financial resource in town… Stacey believed that it was Prime who was financing Stephanie Simonton’s deals… She was right…

Prime always traveled in an odd number, 1,3,5,7… and told word problems as a way of distracting her victims…all the answers always ended in prime numbers…PI and Prime have had many battles over the last few months… But Stacey has always come up short against her and her henchmen…

“Hello… Yeah it’s me… Yep we are on for tonight… See you at 2 sharp…” Stephanie Simonton closed her cell phone as she walked into her house around midnight… Pleased with the front she once again put up during her presser, she had no time to waste as she has plans this evening…

Stacey jumped up when the alarm sounded… It was the bank’s silent vault alarm… Stacey suggested the bank install a new alarm inside the bank’s vault… The bank President happily agreed… Little did he know Stacey wired the alarm to summon her, not the police… Stacey knew the combo was impossible to crack, so this was not a drill… Quickly she jumped up and went down to her basement and turned the lights on… She zapped a button with her fingers and the wall before her opened… Inside was a white motorcycle… She quickly changed into her American PI costume, hopped on the Picycle and was off in a flash…

American PI’s costume was a Red leotard and gloves, Blue Cape and boots, a white mask, utility belt and shiny tan pantyhose… The PI logo was stitched on her chest plate… And her long blonde hair was in a ponytail… Her weapon was a high tech ten key calculator that was wired with many snappy tools… Any combo of numbers can be entered to activate Sticky receipt tape that launches to wrap up her enemy, bolts of electricity that stun her prey, a container of gas pellets that she could precisely launch within inches of her target, and other fun toys… All she had to do was punch in the distance + time/length/number + the name of the function = the result of the function… I.E. 18 (feet)+ 2 (bombs)+ G(gas)= KO(knock out)

As PI zoomed on her Picycle, she wondered how many thieves there were. And more importantly, whether Prime was involved…

“Hurry up…” Prime shouted to her two henchwomen Multiply and Divide…”Take everything… Money, bonds, bags of coins, everything! I want Miss Stacey Sullivan to know who did this… She’s been all over me lately…”

PI reached the bank and surveyed the scene from outside… “Sure enough, Prime is behind this… Well she has mistepped this heist badly…” PI only saw Prime and Multiply in the vault… “Hmmm that’s odd, only two of them… That will make it much easier…”

By chance PI did not see Divide, who was deep in the vault cleaning out the silver dollar coin bags… She decided to attract Multiply to the front of the large bank… Figuring she could easily capture her without Prime hearing a thing… She stealthily went to the front door of the bank… She unlocked it with her master key… Quietly she opened it and threw a bunch of pebbles half way to the vault…

“Quiet! What was that?” exhaled Prime? “Multiply, how many times did I tell you to disconnect the alarm?”

“Five!” retorted Multiply…

“Go see what that was… We’ll finish up in here…” Multiply carefully walked towards the front door… Dressed in a black leotard with an X across her chest, black opaque tights and boots, the 5”8 brunette reached the front door… “Unlocked… I can’t believe we were that careless… I bet American PI is behind this…”

As she grabbed the handle to lock the door, Multiply began convulsing… Across the street from 28 feet away, PI had punched in 28 (feet)+ 10 (seconds)+ E(electricity)= S(stunned) on her ten key… Instantly, a stream of electricity shot out and hit the door handle Multiply was grabbing…for 10 seconds Multiply was zapped with PI’s stunning electricity… enough to render her unconscious… Normally she would set it for 30 seconds to keep her victim out longer, but PI did not want to alert Prime to her arrival…

Finally the stream ended and Multiply collapsed still twitching… PI quickly entered the bank and dragged the unconscious thief under a desk… she grabbed a small roll of receipt paper from her belt and tied her up…

“2-1 = 1 to go… Now for Prime…”

PI approached the vault with her ten key aimed right at Prime… She could hear the jingle of the sacks silver dollars and money being dropped into a bag…

“I knew my alarm would come in handy…” thought PI… Her tights clad legs flexed as she punched in 15 (feet) + 10 (yards) + SR (sticky receipt) = TU (tied up)

Prime never saw it… Instantly, she was wrapped in a sticky receipt tape from PI’s ten key… She could not move anything under the flypaper like substance… You could hardly see her leotard and tights under the paper…

“Surprised to see me Prime?” quipped PI… “I had a new alarm programmed with an unbreakable combo wired to alert me if anyone broke in… This was too easy…” PI stood confidently after holstering her ten key…

“American Putz… the math geek turned hero… can that calculator add up how many dates you have had in the last year? Surprisingly you won’t need it cuz it is zero!” retorted the squirming Prime…

“Very funny… It can add up how long you will be finally in jail for…” said PI walking towards her captured enemy… “I’ve been waiting a long time for this Prime… Now tell me who you work for…”

“OK, but first a question…” asked Prime…

“No time for games Prime… tell me” PI shot back growing annoyed with her captive…

“Just indulge me…”

“Fine.”

“How much does one of these bags of silver dollars weigh?” asked Prime.

“5.03 pounds” replied PI…

“OK and how much pressure would it have if swung?” asked Prime.

“29.77 pounds on impact? This is stupid Prime… Cut to the quick!” said PI folding her spandex covered arms…

“All Prime numbers as I thought… And finally how long would a 5.03 bag of silver dollars swung with 29.77 pounds of force knock someone out?” quizzed Prime…

“29 minutes 23 seconds… But don’t worry Prime, cuz where you’re going there aren’t any bags of money… Enough with the word problems…” snapped PI…

“On the contrary math geek, where you are there are bags of money… and where you’re going you’ll need a lot of aspirin… lest you forget I always travel in prime numbers…”

Too late… Divide was sneaking up behind the red, white and blue beauty while Prime distracted her with the word problem… She had dark brown hair and stood 5’7”… Wearing the identical outfit as Multiply with the exception of the ÷ symbol on her chest… Divide wound up the bag of silver dollars and brought it down square on the back of PI’s head… She never knew what hit her… Totally focused on Prime, PI was oblivious to Divide… The bag of money dropped her onto the vault floor out cold…Divide wound up the bag again to hit PI but Prime ordered her not to.

“No… not here… untie me and go find Multiply… I will take care of our sleeping beauty…”

“Come on boss, let me finish her” begged Divide, but Prime pushed her out of the way… Prime surveyed PI’s unconscious form… Her 5’10” frame was on her side with her head resting on her arm… She grabbed PI’s boots and began dragging her further into the vault…

“A little careless my dear… Wow I never thought you’d fall for a word problem distraction…29 minutes and 23 seconds give us just enough time to leave and call the police… I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to find their superhero in the middle of the city’s biggest vault…”

She dropped PI’s legs and she came to rest against the back of the vault… Prime stacked a bunch of money next to PI as if she were just finishing up the robbery… The finishing touch… A stop watch that she activated counting down from 29:23… She chuckled as she put it in PI’s gloved hand…

Prime took off towards the front door with all the money in a duffle bag… She reached Divide who was carrying the unconscious Multiply over her shoulders… They were off in a flash…

Back in the vault, the watch counted down…American PI was unaware of what happened to her or the trouble she was in…

Outside, Prime stopped at a pay phone and dialed 911…

“Hello, I’d like to report a robbery…”

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