A Supergirl - Origin

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Nice natural style and tone. Engaging dialogue and realistic approach. I'm interested to see how this develops. Good start.

[scwank]

Great start! I like your style, and the concept, too.

[Bert]

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[tallyho]

Great concept and a nice engaging style - good work!

[DrDominator9]

Another very realistically rendered chapter that is a fun read. You've got a fresh voice and a solid talent for this genre.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Another good chapter. I could be wrong but I suspect she will not be "taken."

[Bert]

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[Bert]

Thank you to Tallyho, Dr. Dom and Scwank for the feedback, and to everyone who gave this a read. Writing and sharing a story kind of puts you out there a bit and it's nice to receive a word or two of acknowledgement. Much appreciated!

[DrDominator9]

Now that you've given us a taste of this new origin, I hope you take some time in the next chapter to reveal some of the backstory for how Krissy got her extraordinary powers, how Eddie fits into her life and who are the people behind her powers.

Exploring how she reacts to the danger she's taken on herself after experiencing just how bad things can get for her should also play a role in the chapter.

As for the costume she wears, you mentioned she's donned it as a sort of a shorthand for who she is so I'm wondering if she's overshot her mark since she doesn't seem nearly as powerful as the emblem she's chosen to wear. Is that costume something she made or had made by the people who gave her these powers. If it's a Supergirl costume she bought online, obviously it offers her no real protection. She might have to keep buying new costumes if her adventures take her into burning buildings or what not.

In any case, it's an intriguing concept you have opened up, a new realistic approach to Supergirl written in a clean style that is worth pursuing. I eagerly anticipate more.

[Bert]

Now that you've given us a taste of this new origin, I hope you take some time in the next chapter to reveal some of the backstory for how Krissy got her extraordinary powers, how Eddie fits into her life and who are the people behind her powers.

Exploring how she reacts to the danger she's taken on herself after experiencing just how bad things can get for her should also play a role in the chapter.

As for the costume she wears, you mentioned she's donned it as a sort of a shorthand for who she is so I'm wondering if she's overshot her mark since she doesn't seem nearly as powerful as the emblem she's chosen to wear.

Yes, my plan is to reveal the backstory a bit at a time. Partly because it's fun to keep people guessing a bit and partly to not bog down individual stories with too much exposition. There will definitely be more development of Eddie and his relationship with Krissy, including him getting involved in the action at one point in a scene that will hopefully humanize Krissy's heroic side and show her bravery and willingness to sacrifice.

Krissy's reaction to her first night as a heroine is first up on the menu for the second (as yet unwritten) story. I was sick with a nasty cold when I wrote the first story, so I had time to devote to writing. I "published" each of those chapters as soon as I finished writing them. Future work will come a bit more slowly.

I really appreciate your interest. I was unsure how people would react to the, um, tenor of my work. I want to spend time on story-telling, but perhaps not to the level of some of the excellent writers on this forum. I really love the action/fighting aspect of superheroines, including exploring the mental state of a powerful woman as she actively engages in combat. I think getting inside the heroine's head during a fight is the thing a written story offers that a video has more difficulty getting across. That aspect will likely continue to be prominent in my stories.

Thanks for your feedback and support!

By the way, were you pleased or disappointed that your prediction about Krissy's assault turned out to be correct?

[DrDominator9]

By the way, were you pleased or disappointed that your prediction about Krissy's assault turned out to be correct?

It played out pretty much how I expected but anytime you can deliver a superheroine beat down as well described as that one, I assure you, I'll be pleased.

[wondergirlsupragirl]

Love your writing style with the hot fight action and sexy descriptions added!

[Bert]

Thanks so much. I'm glad a few people are enjoying this.

[scwank]

I'm glad a few people are enjoying this.

Just chiming in to say that I suspect more than just those commenting are really enjoying this. I know I've been guilty of reading & not commenting on stories in the past. My life comes in ebbs and flows, as I suspect as the case for many people. When life gets busy, it's all I can do to pop in, read something, and pop out. (Short version: please keep it coming!)

[DrDominator9]

Just to put things in perspective a bit, this thread has been viewed 642 times in about 14 days. That comes out to 45 views per day which is a terrific daily average of readership. Obviously, Bert, you've found a nice steady audience and should be very encouraged. The fact is that stories here at the Forum don't always get a lot of feedback for a variety of reasons, some of which are those stated by scwank above. But when you see readership numbers like you have, you should realize that it's more than "a few people" and that you're doing well at this. Keep it up, pal!

[Bert]

Thanks, guys. I fully intend to continue with this series of stories, although I can't guarantee how quickly they might arrive. I'm partway through the next chapter of "Humbled" right now. Our Supergirl is having a pretty tough time with the gang.