A Supergirl - All Things Are Not As They Seem

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Alright! I was hoping this would come some day. Great start - got us up to speed in an interesting way, and we got to know her inner workings (powers and her thoughts) a bit. Looking forward to more.

[Bert]

Thanks CJS! There's some action coming up, but the real story will take time to unfold.

[Bert]

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[tallyho]

Nice start Bert, first one of yours I have got around to and its nicely structured and well written.

One thing I would suggest is maybe a bit more physical description of the characters, either initially or drip fed through the story. You may have covered it in your original two efforts but I think it's always advisable to recover in every story to allow for new readers.
I have no idea how old Eddie is for example, nor whether he is fat thin bald tall etc.
I think it's always worth adding a little colour to people and can be done innocuously enough " she stared at his tired brown eyes' 'he rubbed his bare chin, not for the first time ruing the day he had shaved his beard off, even though it was 20 years ago' those sort of little additions, one telling us he's weary and got brown eyes, the other that he must be late 30s or early 40s at least, etc. I am hopeless at doing them, I only ever do the sketchiest of character outlines other than my heroine.


But good stuff, roll on the next installment

[tallyho]

And there it is!

[Bert]

Hey, thanks Tally! I really appreciate your input and support. And you're right I really don't do enough description of the other characters. Great tip.

[tallyho]

Will post a comment once I have second part under my belt but I would suggest leaving a few days grace between chapters just to give time for some reader reaction

[Bert]

Yeah, the quick update was just a one-off. I wanted to get the story rolling, as I mentioned in the post.

[CJS]

Great start. I liked how this got right into it, and showed her to be powerful yet not completely unbeatable. Ramped up the tension a bit.

[Bert]

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[CJS]

I’ve been chewing on this, and one thing I like about her, that seems pretty unique, is even with all her powers, she still feels pain - sometimes even significant pain. In my book, that makes her even more heroic - facing down trouble, knowing it is probably going to hurt. That takes more courage than an uberbabe who knows nobody can touch her. I’m really liking this character, and the hook is set so I want to see where this goes. More please!

[DrDominator9]

I totally agree with CJS about the unique quality of a Supergirl who, while extremely strong and fast, is far from invulnerable. Your set up was excellent and you gave us enough of her character and background to keep things interesting. Excellent job, Bert. I hope you have more stories in you. This one was a lot of fun.

[Bert]

Thanks for the comments guys. There has been very little reaction so far with this story, so I appreciate you taking the time to comment. And by the way Doc, this story is just getting started.

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Hmmm, that’s an interesting update. Has me wondering what is going on.

There has been very little reaction so far with this story, so I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

I wouldn’t read into the number of comments. Lurking is a big thing, which is fine. I cheated and put a download counter on my website (that’s all it tracks — number of downloads, but no IP adddresses etc.) to see how many people downloaded the first free story. Not a huge number, but definitely more than comment here in the forum. I’d be surprised if you don’t have a good number of readers waiting on each update. I think Damselbinder is another good example of that. His work is some of the best stuff here, but doesn’t always get a ton of comments. I suspect he has many readers lurking, too. That seems to be the way with longer stories, and original characters, or deviations from/twists on original characters.

[DrDominator9]

I didn't realize the story had more coming, Bert. Sorry about that. It was very contained by its ending I thought and there was no cliffhanger so I jumped off the cliff into a wrong conclusion. I'm very pleased there's more to come.

As for comments, they're a fraction of the number of views in my experience. Maybe 2 to 3% of readers comment. I'm lucky to have a few regulars of mine who pop in to comment but, like I say, writers here have a lot more readers than they think. Keep up the good work and the comments will come in. Maybe a slow drip but they'll come.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Well, that's just rude! Northram will be taught a lesson I'm sure by Supergirl as soon as she gets past her initial shock. I'm certain that Northram is in for a nasty thumping, right, Bert?

Enjoying this story quite a bit. Clear descriptions and good pacing.

[Bert]

I'm certain that Northram is in for a nasty thumping, right, Bert?

All things are not as they seem.

[CJS]

This sure took an interesting turn. Northram reminds me of a certain someone.

[Bert]

All characters are completely fictional and any resemblance to a real person or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental!

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

This was an interesting, thought-provoking and well-described chapter; yet it wasn't clear if Northram climaxed or not. Seems weird that you were so descriptive with the scene yet left that fact out. That said, I'm wondering if SG fights back in 30 minutes after Northram's serum wears off. An interesting dilemma but in today's #MeToo climate I suspect she might just speak out. I'm guessing that you don't want to take the story in that direction but it's intriguing to wonder how a superheroine would handle this incident in today's society. As always, Bert, thanks for sharing.

[Bert]

Maybe I'll surprise you!

[CJS]

Things have sure taken an interesting and unexpected turn. I imagine this can be quite the building block for the rest of the story.

[Bert]

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[DrDominator9]

Well done, Bert. I'm really liking her power levels. Mighty but clearly not insurmountable. It will put some fine drama into future fight scenes.

[CJS]

I’m really liking this. Every chapter has action, but there’s also definitely something bigger underneath it all, leading us along.

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Interesting. I get the sense there's a lot more behind the scenes than we know yet.

[ksire_99]

So, the rooms are bugged. Will Supergirl inadvertently give away some secret that can be used against her? or did she just put Eddie in danger?

I am enjoying the story and looking forward to you next post Bert.

[Bert]

Thanks ksire_99 and CJS. The feedback is very welcome.

[DrDominator9]

Chapter 8 was very mysterious and possibly disjointed? Anyway, let's see where it heads next.

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Aww, man. Now that’s just teasing us. Can’t wait to see what happens!

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Great stuff. Setting her up as a badass fighter, and now I’m intrigued about the encrypted file. Definitely different nuggets here to entice us to learn more.

[Bert]

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[flirty_but_nice]

Bert, I just want you to know that I am REALLY enjoying this story. This IFC Tournament is so exciting. I can’t wait to read of the Supergirl’s upcoming, increasingly difficult matches!

[CJS]

I'll second what flirty said. You've done a great job so far of taking your interest in combat, and weaving it into a more complex story.

[Bert]

Thanks for the input! It means a lot that people take the time to comment. CJS, you've been a stalwart supporter from the start. And it's especially nice to hear from someone new. Much appreciated, Flirty. And yes, things are starting to heat up.

[Mlod]

Interesting story, many different aspects (Mr. Northram, the competition etc) sending her from the pits of despair to mastery of her surroundings.

[Bert]

Thanks! Hopefully I can tie it all up in the end!

[Bert]

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[CJS]

Uh-oh. Not looking good for Supergirl. Please don’t leave us hanging too long.

[Bert]

Grin! I don't write very fast!

[Bert]

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[ksire_99]

Nice chapter Bert. Like that you leave a little cliff hanger at the end of each chapter.

If Robin is not tied off below it is a bummer that this Robin can't fly and there is no Supergirl there to save him.

[DrDominator9]

Theoretically, he's belayed by Steele but still that's a lot of weight and momentum to deal with. Two good chapters, Bert. Liked the SG fight scenes as well. Fine descriptions.