If your fantasies come true...

[Oldschoollover]

So after all this years of seeking for the perfect superheroine porn, I finally got a girlfriend who is willing to be my personal seducing heroine.
But what should I say, I barely feel the same while having sex with her in a perfect superheroine outfit or watching pornography.
I still prefer masturbating alone to porn, cause this seems to be the only way that arouses me.
Did someone of you made the same experiences? Did there a fixation on porn arise inside me over the years?

[batgirl1969]

Everyday!!! of course being a young influenced lesbian/bisexual may have caused me to enjoy doing it more than watching it done....

[Imagineer]

This seems like a very specific personal issue. Do you really want to dive into self-examination here? Don't get me wrong, some folks here love dissecting and analyzing the headspace, but for you this seems more than idle musing, so you might not want to share more.

Am I understanding you correctly that you don't find sex with your girlfriend arousing? At all?
Or are you just saying that masturbating with porn (any porn, or specific superheroine porn) has an extra-special thrill that's missing from regular sex, or even missing from the prospect of superheroine roleplay with your girlfriend? Or have you actually tried it and didn't feel extra-special, or even come to believe you won't find that extra-special thrill? Any idea what ingredients are missing?

I believe it's possible to train yourself into a corner with porn, especially if you develop (pursue) a fetish. If you want to enjoy sex with a partner, you may need to train yourself back out of that corner. Or focus on giving your partner pleasure. Find ways to thrill her, generally and with elements of your fetish. See what kinks she might want to explore.

[GeekyPornCritic]

I recommend you and your girlfriend discuss sexual needs and thrills. Sex is a very complex subject, and everyone has different needs for different reasons. Is there something specific in those porn videos giving you that thrill or rush of excitement?

I do not thnk a corner of porn exists. Porn serves many means for individuals and opens the door to more possibilities. It allows people to enjoy fantasies that they would not enjoy otherwise. There is no such thing as "sexual training".

You need to find what makes you happy sexually in reality. Sometimes people are aroused by what they see, but are not always aroused by those acts in reality. Visual stimulation is different than physical stimulation. For example, I enjoy watching femdom movies in SHIP, and I think it is hot to see a villain peg a hero to humiliate him. However, I would NEVER allow a woman to peg me in reality.

[Oldschoollover]

Yeah, I got a fetish for superheroine capes as long as I can think about it. I felt ashamed and guilty about this for years, thinking I'm some kind of "pervert". So I searched for the ultimate porn which is very hard to find for me cause I like the cape in a specific long length, which you don't see often in superheroine porn.

When the fantasy finally came to real life, I don't know, it just doesn't arouse me and no sex in real doesn't arouse me, it gives me more a feeling of fear. So I prefer masturbation aloneand the aspect of searching and maybe finding the best clip give's me the highest rush. If I try to masturbate to the videos, I regulary watch and my girlfriend is there, the videos wouldn't be arousing anymore.

It gives me some kind of deep sadness and I just don't understand, why porn is so arousing for me and seeing my caped girlfriend more gives me fear. Just some thoughts about my sexuality, maybe this is not the best place discussing it My girlfriend knows all this, we talk about everything in our equal relationship.

[merkin1964]

Thank you for sharing this, Oldschoollover. It couldn't have been easy, even in an anonymous setting.

I don't post as much on here as I'd like to but I felt like you hit on a very interesting issue that I've thought quite a bit about. I'm in a similar situation as this forum has helped me find superheroine situations and images that are pretty much my ultimate fantasy. I also managed to find a significant other who is very supportive of me and this fetish and doesn't judge me at all for it which is kind of a miracle! But when it comes to trying to act out those fantasies in real life, it doesn't quite do it for me. For a while, I couldn't figure it out. Then it hit me.

I don't know if this is what's going on for you, but here's the reason for me. A big part of the fantasy is that I can actually believe it is Wonder Woman or Batgirl or whoever being in peril. Yes, I of course realize that it is an actress playing the part but it is an actress I don't know at all and can readily buy her as the heroine. When I try it in real life, I know my partner far too well. No matter how much she gets into the role, I can never buy her as the heroine. It's just my significant other in a costume. That's OK sometimes. That can be hot, too. But it completely kills the fantasy for me because much of the fantasy and the role play has been stripped away. When I watch superheroine videos, however, the fantasy is there again and I can really get into it.

I hope that makes sense. Again, this is what's going on for me so not sure if you can relate to it at all. Thanks again for posting this. I think it's a fascinating issue.

[DrDominator9]

This is one of the most amazing and eye-opening threads I've ever read on this site. The subject is fascinating and the honesty is incredible. It certainly feels like Merkin1964 has offered some great insights into this situation of not fully enjoying the person you know so well wearing a heroine costume. You can't "disassociate" her and feel empowered against her and thus aroused because you know her too well, and I believe, probably care very much for her. In many SHIP scenarios, the villain doesn't really know the heroine and thus can objectify her with impunity. That is probably at work here in dulling the sexual desire.

I feel that Imagineer might have some good advice for you about training yourself out of the fetish corner somewhat. Perhaps by concentrating more on the sensuality of the moment, even with yourself blindfolded, in order to heighten the sensation of feeling the cape, the costume and the body at hand and seeing if that "retraining" of the sensuous moment helps.

Good luck!

[Shakeshift]

My recommendation is to seek out professional services from people trained in the art of "customer service." - Most dommes will charge anywhere from $250/hour to $350/hour for their services but the quality of work is usually quite high and they are 100% discreet, plus the added benefit in that they are being paid to customize for a specific roleplaying task and are open to being directed/managed because they're being hired for a specific job.

I always recommend getting permission beforehand from your partner before searching out an 'outsourcing' option, but for people who already know that gaining permission is unrealistic, I just tell people to compartmentalize their lives and do what needs to be done. As with all sources of externalized happiness, the chance for addiction is very high so steps have to be taken to make sure that you don't become sloppy or become too absorbed in your fun.

For those that don't have $500-$700 laying around I have also seen that In three other circumstances I have seen professional fetish models and cosplayers who will work for creative projects for free in exchange for either permission to use the content for personal reasons.

One of the three was a (now-retired) fetish model writing a sex book, and wanted written permission to include the entire session as a chapter in her book on superheroines in peril.

The second model is a current cosplayer and calendar girl who sincerely enjoys roleplaying as a superheroine and video game character loves the attention and fantasy aspects of it, but also likes the danger aspect of it and obviously has a thrillseeking psychological tic to her personality where she likes danger and excitement.

The third fetish model is someone whom I suspect has a Borderline Personality Disorder and enjoys being an anti-hero but mostly because she likes to exert power and control over fanboys and revels in being an authority figure. Her kink is all about psychological control and being the undisputed center of attention while wearing a costume. Very disassociative between her (normal) life and her life as a costumed anti-hero. It's a little fucked up in the head, admittedly.

Anyway, whether you want to pay someone to act out your fantasies or you want to search out personal columns for a dedicated amateur, there are always options. It's great when S.O.'s want to join in the fun because their willingness to help is always appreciated, but in my experience the reason those encounters are ultimately unsatisfying is because there's no mystique underlying the action. Without a certain element of randomness or chaos to the story, there's no reason to have someone wear a mask. You already know who's underneath and you already know all the forthcoming answers. It can be a bit ungratifying. Creative minds search out mysteries and are drawn to intellectual stimulation. It's hardwired into almost all of us.

[merkin1964]

Thanks for the kind words, DrDominator! I agree. This thread is quite fascinating and really made me think about things, reinforcing a few things and making me re-think things as well.

Your idea of trying a blindfold, or perhaps turning the lights way down, is intriguing. That way you can focus more on the sensory aspect of it and let your imagination run a little more, which is what happens when you watch the videos.

Incidentally, this issue is also why I don't particularly care for outtakes in superheroine peril videos. It's fine if people enjoy them and producers always put them at the end of the video so I can easily ignore them. But for me, seeing the models flubbing lines and breaking character can kill the fantasy for me as well.

Shakeshift, that is some great, very thoughtful insight from someone who has experience in so many aspects of this fetish. It is greatly appreciated. I loved your phrasing of the dangers of "externalized happiness." That's a great way to put it and you're right about needing to be careful with it. Your idea of seeking out enthusiasts for this sort of thing is also good advice as well.

By the way, I've gotten some custom videos from Shakeshift in the past and they are GREAT! He has a very similar sensibility as I do when it comes to this stuff and he always gives you way more bang for the buck than almost anyone. He has great attention to detail and always adds in some great story stuff that really enhances it. Highly recommend him!

[Imagineer]

When the fantasy finally came to real life, I don't know, it just doesn't arouse me and no sex in real doesn't arouse me, it gives me more a feeling of fear.

Of course it does! When you're masturbating, you're in total control. You know what's going to happen in the scenario, you know exactly what buttons to push (and what knobs don't help) at all times, you know exactly how it feels at all times, you know everyone is going to get what they want -- and if somehow the performance isn't great, nobody else knows.

Now bring someone else into it. Even if you know in your mind and feel in your heart that your girlfriend is awesome and supportive and can read your mind and has zen-master self-control to never react in a way that scares or harms you... there are two forces working against you:

(1) Your heart doesn't want to disappoint her. You want to be awesome for her.
(2) Your instinct doesn't want you to get hurt. It fears embarrassment leads to rejection leads to being cast out from the tribe and dying alone.

Fear is a powerful program. But it's not the only one, and it can be managed. Tap into your instincts to nurture and protect -- bravery is selflessness -- to learn (1) how to rock your partner's world better and (2) that you're still okay after making mistakes. If you don't already, engage in playtime where, at the start, you make clear that the goal isn't orgasm but just to practice something that feels good and try something new to see if it also feels good. Maybe turn it into a game. And do some research. You don't know everything there is to know about how the parts work and what lessons people have learned about making them work better. (I like She Comes First by Kerner, but I'm perpetually remedial; I bet others have better suggestions.) Improve your knowledge of sexcraft. Build confidence that you can discover paths to better sex, and that life goes on when you don't.

As for cape play, don't try to get there in a single bound. I mean, even if your girlfriend is crazy-excited about attempting a perfect recreation of your most favorite piece of porn in every detail, it's probably not a good idea unless the outcome truly doesn't matter and all the thrill is in the journey -- and based on what you've said that's not where you are today. Figure out the essential elements and how you can play with them -- how she can make them hers. Maybe you need to inhabit specific characters; maybe you need to invent new ones; maybe you need to play versions of yourselves. Maybe she just needs a red dress with a cape-like design element, and after a nice dinner out you come home and do it doggie style with a vibrating blue strap-on while a room fan rustles the fabric across her back and you mutter multilingual gibberish like a minion until you flip the cape over her head when she cums -- I don't know exactly what you two are into

But I think it starts with confidence that you're on an adventure, and whether or not your toes ever curl just right, you're going to learn something that, in the last moments of your life, pops into your head and makes you smile.

Of course I'm just an idiot on the Internet shirking housework on a Saturday, so maybe everything above is terrible advice.

[Oldschoollover]

@imagineer
Maybe there are some true words in what you're saying. Thank you all for your words. I think I got a lot more work to do to embrace my fetish better in shared sexuality, it's to beautiful (for me), to just do it on my own and not share it with my girlfriend, indeed.

[LaundryGuy101]

Chloro the fuck outta her